We asked members of our community what they think are the best books on grief and loss.
Ranging from psychotherapist studies to books for children, here is a list of 30 books that you might find useful whilst grieving yourself, or as a thoughtful gift to send to a loved one who might be going through a loss.
Let us know if we’ve missed any good ones!
Sections
1. A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis
The Chronicles of Narnia author C.S. Lewis had been married to his wife for four blissful years. When she died of cancer in 1960, he found himself alone, inconsolable in his grief. In this intimate journal, A Grief Observed chronicles the aftermath of the bereavement and mourning with blazing honesty. He grapples with a crisis of religious faith, navigating hope, rage, despair, and love – but eventually regains his bearings, finding his way back to life.
2. A Half Baked Idea by Olivia Potts
At the moment her mother died, grief pushed Olivia into the kitchen. She came home from her job as a criminal barrister miserable and tired, and baked soda bread, pizza, and chocolate banana cake.
She found comfort in jams and solace in pies, and what began as a distraction from grief became a way of building a life outside grief, a way of surviving, and making sense of her life without her mum. A Half Baked Idea follows Olivia’s journey through her grief, whilst studying at Le Cordon Bleu – despite not being able to cook!
3. All At Sea by Decca Aitkenhead
On a hot still morning on a beautiful beach in Jamaica, Decca Aitkenhead’s life changed forever. Her four-year-old boy was paddling peacefully at the water’s edge when a wave pulled him out to sea. Her partner, Tony, swam out and saved their son’s life then drowned before her eyes. Exploring race and redemption, privilege and prejudice, All At Sea is a remarkable story of love and loss, of how one couple changed each other’s lives and of what a sudden death can do to the people who survive.
4. Being Mortal by Atul Gawande
Being Mortal is a book about the modern experience of mortality – what it’s like to get old and die, how medicine has changed this and how it has not, where our ideas about death have gone wrong. With his trademark mix of perceptiveness and sensitivity, Gawande outlines a story that crosses the globe, as he examines his experiences as a surgeon and those of his patients and family, and learns to accept the limits of what he can do.
5. Bird Therapy by Joe Harkness
When Joe Harkness suffered a breakdown in 2013, he tried all the things his doctor recommended: medication helped, counselling was enlightening, and mindfulness grounded him. But nothing came close to nature, particularly birds.
The positive change in Joe’s wellbeing was so profound that he started a blog to record his experience. Three years later he became a spokesperson for the benefits of birdwatching, spreading the word everywhere from Radio 4 to Downing Street. In this groundbreaking book filled with practical advice, Bird Therapy explains the impact that birdwatching had on his life, and invites the reader to discover these extraordinary effects for themselves.
6. Cheer the F**k up by Jack Rooke
Part comedic memoir, part advice guide, this book is a fresh and timely take on a huge issue very close to Jack’s heart – in 2015, while working as an ambassador for a male mental health charity, he lost one of his best friends to suicide.
Taking you on a journey through his life and experiences with grief, sexuality, depression and more, Jack offers his own frank and powerful advice on how best to have meaningful conversations about a loved one’s state of mind. Hilarious and heart-breaking in equal measure, Cheer the F**K Up will definitely make you laugh and might just make you cry, but it could also help save a life.
7. Everything Is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love and Loss by Stephanie Wittels Wachs
A memoir of family, addiction, and grief from the sister of Harris Wittels, the Parks and Recreation writer whose death shocked the comedy world. In Everything Is Horrible and Wonderful Stephanie Wittels Wachs alternates between her brother’s struggle with addiction, which she learned about three days before her wedding, and the first year after his death, in all its emotional devastation. A profound exploration of the love between siblings, it will make you laugh, cry, and wonder if that possum on the fence is really your brother’s spirit animal.
8. Finding Joy by Gary Andrews
When his wife, Joy, died very suddenly, a daily drawing became the way Gary Andrews dealt with his grief. From learning how to juggle his kids’ playdates and single-handedly organising Christmas, to getting used to the empty side of the bed, Gary’s honest and often hilarious illustrations have touched the hearts of thousands on social media. Finding Joy is the story of how one family learned to live again after tragedy.
9. Grief Is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter
A Sunday Times ‘Top 100 Novel of the 21st Century’, this story centres around two young boys in London who have just lost their mother suddenly. Their father cannot imagine life moving forwards without this deep sadness. In a moment of despair, the family are visited by Crow – and they are unsure whether he is an antagonist, a trickster, a babysitter – or indeed a healer.
The bird becomes attached to the family in the depths of their grief, and promises he will stay until they no longer need his guidance. Grief Is the Thing with Feathers is full of humour and emotional depth, and the truths about grief will stay with you for a long time.
10. Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman
A collection of thoughtful words to provide comfort and inspiration – for anyone who has lost a loved one. Healing After Loss would also make a great gift!
11. How to Grieve Like a Champ by Lianna Champ
Lianna Champ is a bereavement counsellor, and has over forty years experience in funeral care. Lianna is passionate about improving our relationship with our own mortality, and feels strongly that if we have a good life, we can die well too. How to Grieve Like a Champ is both emotionally comforting and practical, and presented in a way that even those in the depths of grief with a short attention span can easily digest the information and be comforted by her inspirational words.
12. Humankind: A Hopeful History by Rutger Bregman
A Sunday Times and New York Times bestseller, Humankind argues against the classic narrative that human beings are all naturally selfish and self-interested. Bregman argues that the trust and cooperation, rather than distrust and competition, can be traced back to the beginning of humanity. Bregman takes some of the world’s most famous case studies and events and frames them in a positive light, showing how believing that people can be altruistic and kind can help achieve real change in society.
13. It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand by Megan Devine
Megan Devine explores why our culture treats grief like something to be cured as quickly as possible, even though it is ‘a natural and sane response to loss.’ Devine has experienced grief from both sides – as a therapist and also as a woman after losing her partner in a tragic accident.
Using her experience, she writes truthfully about love, loss and healing, and debunks the myth of returning to a ‘normal’ life – instead preferring to invite you to build life alongside your grief. A mixture of stories, tips, research and mindfulness, It’s Ok That You’re Not Ok offers a unique guide to the experience we will all face at one stage or another in our lives.
14. Languages of Loss: A Psychotherapist’s Journey Through Grief by Sasha Bates
From her lived experience as a therapist, and after unexpectedly losing her husband Bill at only 49 years old, Sasha Bates finds a way to manage her pain by looking back over all she has learnt from her psychotherapeutic research and theories of grief, to help her navigate this new reality.
Languages of Loss breaks down taboos and tries to find light moments and humour in the necessary conversation about what death and loss means. Highly recommended for those in the first few months of their loss, this book supports readers through the pain and gives them permission to explore all their feelings. The main message is that everyone grieves differently, but knowing more about the theory can help you feel less alone and reflect upon how far you’ve come.
15. Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl
Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and prominent Viennese psychiatrist, tells his story and observations on the ways both he and others coped in Auschwitz, noticing that often those who provided comfort and showed kindness towards others survived for the longest.
He notes that even when everything is taken away from us, we still have the ability to choose how we behave and react. He concludes that humankind’s biggest wish is to search for a sense of purpose. Man’s Search For Meaning gives us a way to transcend our pain and suffering, and find reasons to keep on living.
16. Modern Loss: Candid Conversation about Grief. Beginners Welcome by Rebecca Soffer and Gabrielle Birkner
From the two co-founders of the website Modern Loss that ‘redefined mourning’ according to the New York Times, this collection of essays and tips guides the reader through grief in the modern age. Taken from insights and stories from the Modern Loss community, this book changes the dialogue around grief with wise and funny anecdotes that help the reader to cry, laugh, identify and grieve, and most importantly find empathy.
A host of guest contributors also give their unique takes on all aspects of grief and loss, including secrets, inheritance and triggers. Modern Loss invites you to talk openly and intimately about grief, confronting our own mortality with some humour along the way. Beginners welcome.
17. Not That Kind of Love by Clare and Greg Wise
Based on Clare Wise’s blog that she started after receiving a cancer diagnosis in 2013, this book follows the ups and downs of the last few years of her life. Full of candour and warmth rather than despair, Clare’s positive energy and dynamic personality fill every page.
In the later stages when she became too weak to type, her brother Greg took over, and the book offers poignant thoughts of the beauty of life, and the necessity of talking about death. Not That Kind of Love focuses on celebrating the small things, such as wearing ‘matching socks as you leave the house in the morning’ – and anything above that is a bonus in the act of living.
18. On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler
A famous and celebrated psychological study from the late twentieth century, On Grief and Grieving came out of Dr Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ renowned seminar on life and death. It explores the five stages of grief – denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Kubler-Ross gives you a better understanding of how death affects everyone involved, and hopes to bring hope to the reader.
19. Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
Sheryl Sandberg lost her husband Dave suddenly in 2015, aged only forty-eight. The lives of her family were turned upside down and she couldn’t imagine finding any joy or meaning again.
When she was talking to her friend about how she felt whilst missing Dave, her friend told her: “Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the s*** out of Option B.” Sandberg explains that we all face Option B at points in our lives – whether that’s dealing with losing jobs, losing love or losing lives.
Option B mixes Sandberg’s experiences with research findings from Adam Grant and other social scientists, featuring stories from those who overcame hardship – personal and professional. It offers tips on how to deal with hard times in our own lives, and how to help others too. It also looks into pre-traumatic growth, and how we can raise resilient children and create strong communities – to find real joy and love in life.
20. Signs: The Secret Language of the Universe by Laura Lynne Jackson
Signs is a hopeful book, teaching you how to recognise and interpret messages from loved ones and guiding you through spiritual connections.
A psychic medium, Jackson has the ability to communicate with those who have passed away, send messages of love and gain a better understanding of these connections. She believes everyone can have these abilities, using the ‘secret language of the universe’ and recognising the signs.
Signs relays a mixture of stories from those who have found spiritual connections with their loved ones, and also draws from her own experiences – creating a book that is comforting, practical and motivational. Once we notice these signs, we can see light in the darkness and find meaning where before there was only confusion, allowing us to engage with life in a different way and pursue joy.
21. Surviving the Death of a Sibling: Living Through Grief When an Adult Brother or Sister Dies by T.J. Wray
After losing her brother aged 43, T.J. Wray found that sibling grief often went unacknowledged, and this type of loss is rarely socially recognised. Surviving the Death of a Sibling helps others who have lost a brother or sister feel that they are not alone, and to understand their unique grieving process.
Warm and insightful, with tips such as using a grief journal and how to deal with insensitive remarks from others, this book offers rich guidance and ways to cope.
22. The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse by Charlie Mackesy
A book of hope, The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse follows four unlikely friends as they tell their stories and share the life lessons they’ve learnt along the way. A mixture of beautiful illustrations and poignant thoughts, Mackesy explores feelings that we can all relate to.
23. The Heavy Bag by Sarah Surgey
A book for children, The Heavy Bag follows a little girl named Enid who has recently lost her grandad. She feels the weight of all her emotions and feelings in her bag that she carries whilst on walk.
Along the road, she meets different people who encourage her to take out an item from her bag, and share how she is feeling. Each item represents a stage of grief, and as she unloads them, it gets easier and she continues walking with a lightness.
24. The Midnight Library by Matt Haig
Nora finds herself in The Midnight Library, a place between life and death. Her life has so far been filled with regret and misery, and letting all those around her down. But now she has the chance to change things around. The books in the library allow her to see what would have happened if she’d made different choices.
Helped by an old friend, she corrects all her past mistakes and tries to create the perfect life, but things are not always as she’d imagined. Before her time in the library runs out, she must answer the question – ‘what is the best way to live?’
25. The Swallow, the Owl and the Sandpiper: Words of Courage, Wisdom compiled by Claire Maitland
A collection of poetry, words and stories, this anthology is the perfect companion to your grief to dip in and out of on the hard days. The Swallow, the Owl and the Sandpiper would make a wonderful gift for yourself or a loved one going through loss. This book offers comfort and a chance to reflect.
26. Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail by Cheryl Strayed
A number one New York Times bestseller, and now a film adaptation starring Reese Witherspoon, Wild follows Cheryl’s eleven-hundred mile walk along the West Coast of America. Aged 26 and following the loss of her mother from cancer, a crumbling marriage and a family in disarray, she makes an impulsive decision to hike alone in the hope of finding the answers on how to piece her life back together.
27. Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Someone Who’s Been There by Cheryl Strayed
Following on from her memoir Wild, the former agony aunt offers advice whilst answering a collection of letters from people who were confused, afraid or anxious. Her responses come from an array of personal experience of the good and the bad things in life, often with hilarious and heartbreaking moments mixed in. Creating the perfect guide to those who are struggling or feeling lost, Tiny Beautiful Things offers insight, compassion and above all absolute honesty.
28. When Life is Not Peachy: Real-life lessons in recovery from heartache, grief and tough times by Pip Lincolne
Written during a tough time in her own life, Pip Lincolne offers a gentle guide for processing and navigating the sad times in life – for those who are struggling themselves or offering support to a loved one.
She gives advice on how to eat and exercise when you don’t feel like it, working through relationships with family and friends, and how to keep yourself going when you’re feeling at your lowest. When Life is Not Peachy, it’s natural to question everything, but Pip hopes to provide a helping hand and travel the journey with you.
29. Wife, Widow, Now What?: How I Navigated the Cancer World and How You Can, Too by Rachel Engstrom
Aged only 28, Rachel’s husband Grayson was diagnosed with leukemia. The diagnosis changed both of their lives, as Rachel became ‘a cancer wife, manager, team cheerleader and expert juggler at life’, supporting her husband through his illness until he died just under three years later. She had to restart her life as a widow, with no guidebook on how to do this.
Wife, Widow, Now What? follows Rachel’s journey from her social media posts at the time, whilst also providing advice on how to navigate a cancer diagnosis, the treatment process, insurance, money, support for carers and all the emotions one goes through during this time. This book is the first of its kind to be written half as a memoir, and half a self-help book – along with the music she listened to that helped her through this difficult time.
30. Where are you Lydie? by Emma Poore
It’s Lydie’s birthday today but she’s not here. In this honest and heartfelt story two brothers go on an emotional journey to find a way to connect with their baby sister. Where are you Lydie? is a special picture book, sensitively written and illustrated for children between 3 and 7 years old.
It is a facilitative story and guide for young children and their parents to explore death and bereavement together and to start those difficult conversations or explore the questions that may come up after the death of a baby in a safe and inspiring space.
31. Good Mourning: Honest conversations about grief and loss
Sally and Imogen met after both losing their mother’s suddenly. This led them to launch their podcast Good Mourning, and write this book. Good Mourning is a compassionate survival guide for anyone dealing with grief, shining a light on the many ways grief can impact our lives. Along with expert advice from a clinical psychologist and warm words and insights from hundreds of others who’ve experienced grief, this book offers practical tips on coping with isolation and loneliness, navigating grief at work, managing milestones and so much more.
And there you have it – our community’s guide to the best books on grief. Let us know in the comments below what your favourite is.
