Sympathy cards, also known as bereavement cards, can mark the death of a family member, friend or pet. A sympathy card is a nice way to show someone you’re thinking about them after a loss.
Sympathy cards are typically sent immediately following a loss, but you could also send one to mark a poignant occasion. For example, you might wish to acknowledge an anniversary or send a special first Christmas card after bereavement. You could even make a note in your diary to remind you every year.
Sections
What makes a good sympathy card?
A good sympathy card comes from the heart and is written with the person and their personal circumstances in mind.
Our tips for writing a sympathy card:
Be authentic. Speak from the heart to reflect your relationship with the person receiving the card and their loved one who has died.
Acknowledge their pain. It’s ok to acknowledge the pain of loss and let the bereaved person express their pain. Don’t encourage them to ‘keep their chin up’ or ‘stay positive’. Here are some tips on what to say to someone who is grieving.
Don’t compare your own loss. In most instances, it’s unhelpful to focus on yourself by talking about your own loss when someone is recently bereaved. People grieve in different ways and experience different symptoms, if any at all. However, there might be an exception if it’s highly relevant, for example, if you’ve both had a loss under the same unusual circumstances.
Be specific with offers for help. Although you might mean it when you say, “Let me know if I can help”, it leaves the responsibility on the bereaved person to reach out. Instead, try offering something specific, for example, “I can get your groceries and leave them on the doorstep”.
What to write in a sympathy card
It can be hard to know what to write in a sympathy card, and many people worry about saying the wrong thing. Remember that the person for whom you’re buying the card is likely to simply appreciate the kind gesture.
There is no right or wrong way to send a message of condolence, and nothing anyone can write in a card will take away the pain of loss. However, some thoughtful, kind words can go a long way in helping someone find comfort in their grief.
Examples:
Here are a few examples of good sympathy messages you could include in your sympathy card.
A short, simple message to acknowledge their grief:
- I’m sorry for your loss.
- Sending love at this difficult time.
- Our sincere condolences for your loss.
- I’m sorry to hear about the passing of your loved one.
- My heart goes out to you.
Offering practical or emotional support can help a recently bereaved person feel less alone.
- I’m here for you.
- I know nothing I can say will take away your pain, but I’m here if you need a shoulder to cry on.
- We’d love to contribute to the funeral arrangements; please let us know what needs organising.
- If you need help with the children, we’d love to have them, to give you some space.
- If you feel up to visitors, I’d love to come round and help with anything you need, even if just to talk and cry together.
Religious messages
- I’m so sorry for your loss; you will meet again in Heaven one day.
- My prayers are with you at this difficult time.
- “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted”. Matthew 5:4.
- “And he said to him, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.” Luke 23:43.
For more tips and suggestions on observing religious and cultural norms around death and dying, see our tips on what to say to people grieving across different cultures.
Personalised message
Don’t be afraid to talk about special memories you have with the person who has died. It can be very comforting for the people left behind to hear stories about their loved one’s life.
- I am saddened to hear the news of X’s passing. I remember the day we first met when he told one of his corny jokes, and I knew we’d be firm friends! He’ll be greatly missed.
- Please accept our condolences at X’s passing. She talked about you and the children all the time at band practice. Do you remember when she made the band learn your wedding song so we could play it at your anniversary party? She wanted that day to be so special.
- You might find a meaningful grief quote that might resonate with the recipient.
Where to find sympathy cards
There are plenty of great places to find bereavement cards in the UK. Before you start looking, think about the style of the card that might suit that person. Perhaps they have a strong faith and would get comfort from a religious card, or would appreciate you acknowledging the passing of their beloved pet with a dog bereavement card.
On the high street
Some people like to see and feel bereavement cards before making a choice. Many well-established high street chains specialise in greeting cards, including Hallmark, Clinton Cards and Card Factory. Many of these stores can be found in your local town or city and feature a range of bereavement cards at different prices.
Supermarkets and convenience stores
Most supermarkets and convenience stores carry a line of greetings cards, although the selection of bereavement cards may be limited in smaller shops.
Online greeting card suppliers
Online greeting card stores include Moonpig, Thortful and Funky Pigeon. There are a few notable benefits to choosing and buying a bereavement card online.
- Many online greeting card stores will print a short condolence message of your choice and post the card directly to the recipient.
- Online stores often have a more extensive range of bereavement cards than high-street shops.
- You can personalise your card, perhaps with a treasured photograph or meaningful quote to make it extra special.
- Some online stores also sell condolence gifts to purchase alongside your bereavement card, for example, keepsakes, flowers or a book (see our guide to the best books on grief for ideas).
For more advice and to connect with others who share a similar experience of loss, download the Untangle Grief app.
