When someone dies, it’s not unusual to feel lonely or like nobody else understands. All grief is relative, and how you process your grief is something that’s completely unique to you. However, for many of us, bottling up our emotions is a common ‘coping’ mechanism; one that often leads to even deeper feelings of loneliness and a sense of isolation. This is one of many reasons grief counselling is recommended after a bereavement, but we know that seeking help can feel a little bit scary at first. To help you take that step, we’ve rounded up what you need to know about grief counselling; from why it’s so useful to the different types that are available to you. We hope it helps.
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How do I know if I need grief counselling?
Technically, there is no wrong or right time to consider grief counselling, and you don’t have to fit a certain criteria in order to seek help. However, many counsellors will tell you to wait a few months until after your loss, so you have had some time to process all that has happened and how it has changed your life. It’s never too late to get started, even if the bereavement first took place years ago, and there are no ‘rules’ on how difficult you must be finding your grief.
Grief counselling isn’t only for those mourning the death of a friend, family member or pet, either; there are other types of loss it can help you process, such as a divorce, losing a job or an estrangement. The fact that you’re grieving is reason enough for you to look into grief counselling, and there are certain signs that help may be essential. Here’s what to be aware of:
- If you feel like the sadness of a bereavement is taking over your life, counselling is designed to help you manage and live alongside your grief. It’s not necessarily about ‘moving on’ (for many of us, that’s not possible), but it’s about making space in your life for joy to reenter.
- If you’re bottling up emotions and trying to cope on your own, please know you don’t have to. Sometimes, talking your feelings through with a stranger (and a professional) can be easier than talking to those closest to you.
- If you’re supporting others and putting your own feelings on the backburner, grief counselling means you have someone looking out for you. We all need and deserve that level of support.
- If you have symptoms of depression, seeking help becomes all the more important. A prolonged sense of hopelessness or feeling like you don’t want to be alive anymore is your sign that it’s time to reach out today. Let us know if there is any way we can help you take that first step.
For more advice and to connect with others who share a similar experience of loss, download the Untangle Grief app.
What type of therapy is used for grief counselling?
There are many different types of bereavement counselling available, and some you may find are more useful than others, depending on how you are currently dealing with your grief. Below are four of the most common:
1. Talking therapy
This is what many of us think of when we hear the words ‘grief counselling’. The clue is in the name with this type of therapy; it involves simply talking to your counsellor about how you’re feeling and what has led you to seeking their help. Sometimes, just speaking your truth can help you better process what has happened to you, and understand a way forward that makes the loss more bearable. This is often the ‘starting point’ for people looking into grief counselling, and some go on to explore other types of therapy (such as the ones you’ll see below).
2. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)
CBT is actually a type of talking therapy, which is used to help you and your counsellor identify negative thought patterns so you can work to gradually change them. Studies show that it can have a big impact on the quality of your life, as it helps you reframe troubling thoughts, behaviours or habits and turn them into something that helps you. You may even find it changes the narrative surrounding your loss, and allows you to dwell less on the things that hurt you.
3. Eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing therapy (EMDR)
The trauma of a loss can impact you both physically and mentally, resulting in a fight, flight or freeze response that makes your grief feel too overwhelming to process. If this sounds familiar, and you find certain triggers put you back in your trauma (such as seeing someone who resembles the person who died or smelling their perfume), EMDR therapy could help you ‘unlock’ that trauma and work through it. This won’t take the memories away, but it will make them more manageable, and help you break cycles of self-blame or guilt.
4. Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT)
ACT works on your ability to accept what has happened and the events surrounding your loss, rather than running away from it or trying to avoid it altogether. This type of therapy is sometimes helpful if you’re dealing with prolonged or complicated grief, as it’s designed to help you come to terms with your emotions, and develop techniques to overcome times when it hurts the most.
What do you talk about in grief counselling?
No matter what type of grief counselling you choose, expect to talk about the loved one you have lost, what they mean to you, and how you have been coping with your bereavement. It’s important you feel comfortable speaking with your counsellor, so they will work to establish a relationship with you before discussing anything that might be upsetting. From there, the way the conversation progresses depends on both you and your counsellor. Remember, their aim is to help you, and you can pause at any time if you want to.
How do I get grief counselling?
There are various ways you can go about seeking help to manage your grief. To get started, we recommend one of these simple routes:
- Find help right here at Untangle. After asking you a few questions about you and your needs, we will partner you with a trusted and vetted therapist.
- Contact your GP, tell them about how you are feeling, and ask for a referral to a recommended grief counsellor.
- Fill out the NHS form to find grief counselling and psychological help in your local area.
And don’t forget, urgent help is always available with the Samaritans. Do not suffer in silence; you can call 116 123 for free at any time, day or night.
For more advice and to connect with others who share a similar experience of loss, download the Untangle Grief app.
