Bereavement cards, also known as sympathy cards, can mark the death of a family member, friend or pet. A bereavement card is a nice way to show someone you’re thinking about them after a loss.

Bereavement cards are typically sent immediately following a loss, but you could also send one to mark a poignant occasion. For example, you might wish to acknowledge an anniversary or send a special first Christmas card after bereavement. You could even make a note in your diary to remind you every year.

What makes a good bereavement card?

A good bereavement card comes from the heart and is written with the recipient in mind. 

Our tips:

Be authentic. Speak from the heart to reflect your relationship with the person receiving the card and their loved one who has died.

Acknowledge their pain. It’s ok to acknowledge the pain of loss and let the bereaved person express their pain. Don’t encourage them to ‘keep their chin up’ or ‘stay positive’.

Don’t compare your own loss. In most instances, it’s unhelpful to focus on yourself by talking about your own loss when someone is recently bereaved. However, there might be an exception if it’s highly relevant, for example, if you’ve both had a loss under the same unusual circumstances.

Be specific with offers for help. Although you might mean it when you say, “Let me know if I can help”, it leaves the responsibility on the bereaved person to reach out. Instead, try offering something specific, for example, “I can get your groceries and leave them on the doorstep”.

 

What should you write in a bereavement card?

It can be hard to know what to write in a bereavement card, and many people worry about saying the wrong thing. Remember that the person for whom you’re buying the card is likely to simply appreciate the kind gesture. 

There is no right or wrong way to send a message of condolence, and nothing anyone can write in a card will take away the pain of loss. However, some thoughtful, kind words can go a long way in helping someone find comfort in their grief.

Examples

Here are a few examples of good sympathy messages you could include in your bereavement card.

A short, simple message to acknowledge their grief.

Offering practical or emotional support can help a recently bereaved person feel less alone.

Religious messages

For more tips and suggestions on observing religious and cultural norms around death and dying, see our article: What to say to people grieving across different cultures.

Personalised message

Don’t be afraid to talk about special memories you have with the person who has died. It can be very comforting for the people left behind to hear stories about their loved one’s life.

Where to find bereavement cards

There are plenty of great places to find bereavement cards in the UK. Before you start looking, think about the style of the card that might suit that person. Perhaps they have a strong faith and would get comfort from a religious card, or would appreciate you acknowledging the passing of their beloved pet with a dog bereavement card.

On the high street

Some people like to see and feel bereavement cards before making a choice. Many well established high street chains specialise in greetings cards, including Hallmark, Clinton Cards and Card Factory. Many of these stores can be found in your local town or city and feature a range of bereavement cards at different prices.

Supermarkets and convenience stores 

Most supermarkets and convenience stores carry a line of greetings cards, although the selection of bereavement cards may be limited in smaller shops.

Online greetings cards suppliers

Online greetings cards stores include Moonpig, Thortful and Funky Pigeon. There are a few notable benefits to choosing and buying a bereavement card online. 

To meet others who share a similar experience of loss, including access to over 25+ support spaces, download the Untangle app.
We’re all in this terrible club together.

The late bell hooks knew that where there is grief, there is powerful, enduring love. “In its deepest sense,” she wrote, “grief is a burning of the heart, an intense heat that gives us solace and release.” Whether you have lost someone yourself or are comforting another who has lost a loved one, it can feel like there is nothing that can be said to make it better. But as exemplified by bell hooks, the greatest grief quotes provide comfort by sharing an experience of this pain. 

Collected from the work of historic writers, poets, and songwriters, the following quotes incorporate a number of perspectives to guide through feelings of grief and loss. They stand apart from the rest— offering wisdom about living with their memory, absence, and the grieving process itself.

Find the words you need in our collection of the greatest quotes about grief and healing below. 

Quotes about grief and memories:

1. “Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touches some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, you’re there.”

— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

2. “If there ever comes a day where we can’t be together, keep me in your heart. I’ll stay there forever.”

— A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh

3. “I’ll be seeing you

In all the old familiar places

That this heart of mine embraces

All day through.”

— Billie Holiday, “I’ll Be Seeing You”

4. “So when you need her touch

And loving gaze

Gone but not forgotten

Is the perfect phrase

Smiling from a star

That she makes glow

Trust she’s always there

Watching as you grow

Find her in the place

Where the lost things go.”

— Mary Poppin Returns. “The Place Where Lost Things Go”

5. “The song is ended, but the melody lingers on.”

— Irving Berlin

6. “We do not have to rely on memories to recapture the spirit of those we have loved and lost – they live within our souls in some perfect sanctuary which even death cannot destroy.”

— Nan Witcomb

7. “Simply touching a difficult memory with some slight willingness to heal begins to soften the holding and tension around it.”

― Stephen Levine

8. “A great soul serves everyone all the time. A great soul never dies. It brings us together again and again.” 

— Maya Angelou

9. “You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” 

— Anne Lamott

10. “Your memory feels like home to me. So whenever my mind wanders, it always finds its way back to you.”

— Ranata Suzuki

Quotes about loss:

11. “One more day

One more time

One more sunset, maybe I’d be satisfied

But then again

I know what it would do

Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you.”

— Diamond Rio

12. “Sometimes, only one person is missing, and the whole world seems depopulated.” 

— Alphonse de Lamartine, Méditations Poétiques

13. “When someone you love dies, and you’re not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time – the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes – when there’s a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she’s gone, forever – there comes another day, and another specifically missing part.”

— John Irving

14. “The bird is gone, and in what meadow does it now sing?”

― Philip K. Dick

15. “The melody that the loved one played upon the piano of your life will never be played quite that way again, but we must not close the keyboard and allow the instrument to gather dust. We must seek out other artists of the spirit, new friends who gradually will help us to find the road to life again, who will walk the road with us.”

— Joshua Loth Liebman

16. “Never. We never lose our loved ones. They accompany us; they don’t disappear from our lives. We are merely in different rooms.” 

— Paulo Coelho

17. “I should know enough about loss to realize that you never really stop missing someone-you just learn to live around the huge gaping hole of their absence.”

— Alyson Noel

18. “For as long as the world spins and the earth is green with new wood, she will lie in this box and not in my arms.”

― Lurlene McDaniel

19. “When I saw your strand of hair I knew that grief is love turned into an eternal missing.”

― Rosamund Lupton

20. “Without you in my arms, I feel an emptiness in my soul. I find myself searching the crowds for your face—I know it’s an impossibility, but I cannot help myself.” 

– Nicholas Sparks

21. “What they never tell you about grief is that missing someone is the simple part.”

― Gail Caldwell

22. “Absence is a house so vast that inside you will pass through its walls and hang pictures on the air.”

— Pablo Neruda

Quotes about grief:

23. “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.”

— Khalil Gibran

24. “Look closely and you will see almost everyone carrying bags of cement on their shoulders. That’s why it takes courage to get out of bed in the morning and climb into the day.”

— Edward Hirsch

25. “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.

At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.”

― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

26. “The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief – But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love.”

— Hillary Stanton Zunin

27. “And once the storm is over you won’t remember you how made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what the storm’s all about.”

— Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

28. “The whole world can become the enemy when you lose what you love.”

— Kristina McMorris, Bridge of Scarlett Leaves

29. “But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer.”

— Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

30. “Your grief path is yours alone, and no one else can walk it, and no one else can understand it.” 

— Terri Irwin

31. “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” 

— Washington Irving

32. “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”

— Vicki Harrison

33. “And when great souls die, after a period peace blooms, slowly and always irregularly. Spaces fill with a kind of soothing electric vibration. Our senses, restored, never to be the same, whisper to us. They existed. They existed. We can be. Be and be better. For they existed.” 

— Maya Angelou

34. “Deep grief sometimes is almost like a specific location, a coordinate on a map of time. When you are standing in that forest of sorrow, you cannot imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place. But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place, and now have moved on, sometimes this will bring hope.” 

— Elizabeth Gilbert

35. “Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom.”

— Rumi

That rounds out our collection of 35 quotes about grief and healing. We hope that some of the quotes on this list can provide comfort or clarity for you and yours, or to send to anyone grieving. Whose words have you resonated with when processing a loss? And for free grief support, click here.

We asked members of our community what they think are the best books on grief and loss.

Ranging from psychotherapist studies to books for children, here is a list of 30 books that you might find useful whilst grieving yourself, or as a thoughtful gift to send to a loved one who might be going through a loss.

Let us know if we’ve missed any good ones!

1. A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

The Chronicles of Narnia author C.S. Lewis had been married to his wife for four blissful years. When she died of cancer in 1960, he found himself alone, inconsolable in his grief. In this intimate journal, A Grief Observed chronicles the aftermath of the bereavement and mourning with blazing honesty. He grapples with a crisis of religious faith, navigating hope, rage, despair, and love – but eventually regains his bearings, finding his way back to life.

2. A Half Baked Idea by Olivia Potts

At the moment her mother died, grief pushed Olivia into the kitchen. She came home from her job as a criminal barrister miserable and tired, and baked soda bread, pizza, and chocolate banana cake.

She found comfort in jams and solace in pies, and what began as a distraction from grief became a way of building a life outside grief, a way of surviving, and making sense of her life without her mum. A Half Baked Idea follows Olivia’s journey through her grief, whilst studying at Le Cordon Bleu – despite not being able to cook!

3. All At Sea by Decca Aitkenhead

On a hot still morning on a beautiful beach in Jamaica, Decca Aitkenhead’s life changed forever. Her four-year-old boy was paddling peacefully at the water’s edge when a wave pulled him out to sea. Her partner, Tony, swam out and saved their son’s life then drowned before her eyes. Exploring race and redemption, privilege and prejudice, All At Sea is a remarkable story of love and loss, of how one couple changed each other’s lives and of what a sudden death can do to the people who survive.

4. Being Mortal by Atul Gawande

Being Mortal is a book about the modern experience of mortality – what it’s like to get old and die, how medicine has changed this and how it has not, where our ideas about death have gone wrong. With his trademark mix of perceptiveness and sensitivity, Gawande outlines a story that crosses the globe, as he examines his experiences as a surgeon and those of his patients and family, and learns to accept the limits of what he can do.

5. Bird Therapy by Joe Harkness

When Joe Harkness suffered a breakdown in 2013, he tried all the things his doctor recommended: medication helped, counselling was enlightening, and mindfulness grounded him. But nothing came close to nature, particularly birds.

The positive change in Joe’s wellbeing was so profound that he started a blog to record his experience. Three years later he became a spokesperson for the benefits of birdwatching, spreading the word everywhere from Radio 4 to Downing Street. In this groundbreaking book filled with practical advice, Bird Therapy explains the impact that birdwatching had on his life, and invites the reader to discover these extraordinary effects for themselves.

6. Cheer the F**k up by Jack Rooke

Part comedic memoir, part advice guide, this book is a fresh and timely take on a huge issue very close to Jack’s heart – in 2015, while working as an ambassador for a male mental health charity, he lost one of his best friends to suicide.

Taking you on a journey through his life and experiences with grief, sexuality, depression and more, Jack offers his own frank and powerful advice on how best to have meaningful conversations about a loved one’s state of mind. Hilarious and heart-breaking in equal measure, Cheer the F**K Up will definitely make you laugh and might just make you cry, but it could also help save a life.

7. Everything Is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love and Loss by Stephanie Wittels Wachs

A memoir of family, addiction, and grief from the sister of Harris Wittels, the Parks and Recreation writer whose death shocked the comedy world. In Everything Is Horrible and Wonderful Stephanie Wittels Wachs alternates between her brother’s struggle with addiction, which she learned about three days before her wedding, and the first year after his death, in all its emotional devastation. A profound exploration of the love between siblings, it will make you laugh, cry, and wonder if that possum on the fence is really your brother’s spirit animal.

8. Finding Joy by Gary Andrews

When his wife, Joy, died very suddenly, a daily drawing became the way Gary Andrews dealt with his grief. From learning how to juggle his kids’ playdates and single-handedly organising Christmas, to getting used to the empty side of the bed, Gary’s honest and often hilarious illustrations have touched the hearts of thousands on social media. Finding Joy is the story of how one family learned to live again after tragedy.

9. Grief Is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter

A Sunday Times ‘Top 100 Novel of the 21st Century’, this story centres around two young boys in London who have just lost their mother suddenly. Their father cannot imagine life moving forwards without this deep sadness. In a moment of despair, the family are visited by Crow – and they are unsure whether he is an antagonist, a trickster, a babysitter – or indeed a healer.

The bird becomes attached to the family in the depths of their grief, and promises he will stay until they no longer need his guidance. Grief Is the Thing with Feathers is full of humour and emotional depth, and the truths about grief will stay with you for a long time.

10. Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman

A collection of thoughtful words to provide comfort and inspiration – for anyone who has lost a loved one. Healing After Loss would also make a great gift!

11. How to Grieve Like a Champ by Lianna Champ

Lianna Champ is a bereavement counsellor, and has over forty years experience in funeral care. Lianna is passionate about improving our relationship with our own mortality, and feels strongly that if we have a good life, we can die well too. How to Grieve Like a Champ is both emotionally comforting and practical, and presented in a way that even those in the depths of grief with a short attention span can easily digest the information and be comforted by her inspirational words.

12. Humankind: A Hopeful History by Rutger Bregman

A Sunday Times and New York Times bestseller, Humankind argues against the classic narrative that human beings are all naturally selfish and self-interested. Bregman argues that the trust and cooperation, rather than distrust and competition, can be traced back to the beginning of humanity. Bregman takes some of the world’s most famous case studies and events and frames them in a positive light, showing how believing that people can be altruistic and kind can help achieve real change in society.

13. It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand by Megan Devine

Megan Devine explores why our culture treats grief like something to be cured as quickly as possible, even though it is ‘a natural and sane response to loss.’ Devine has experienced grief from both sides – as a therapist and also as a woman after losing her partner in a tragic accident.

Using her experience, she writes truthfully about love, loss and healing, and debunks the myth of returning to a ‘normal’ life – instead preferring to invite you to build life alongside your grief. A mixture of stories, tips, research and mindfulness, It’s Ok That You’re Not Ok offers a unique guide to the experience we will all face at one stage or another in our lives.

14. Languages of Loss: A Psychotherapist’s Journey Through Grief by Sasha Bates

From her lived experience as a therapist, and after unexpectedly losing her husband Bill at only 49 years old, Sasha Bates finds a way to manage her pain by looking back over all she has learnt from her psychotherapeutic research and theories of grief, to help her navigate this new reality.

Languages of Loss breaks down taboos and tries to find light moments and humour in the necessary conversation about what death and loss means. Highly recommended for those in the first few months of their loss, this book supports readers through the pain and gives them permission to explore all their feelings. The main message is that everyone grieves differently, but knowing more about the theory can help you feel less alone and reflect upon how far you’ve come.

15. Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and prominent Viennese psychiatrist, tells his story and observations on the ways both he and others coped in Auschwitz, noticing that often those who provided comfort and showed kindness towards others survived for the longest.

He notes that even when everything is taken away from us, we still have the ability to choose how we behave and react. He concludes that humankind’s biggest wish is to search for a sense of purpose. Man’s Search For Meaning gives us a way to transcend our pain and suffering, and find reasons to keep on living.

16. Modern Loss: Candid Conversation about Grief. Beginners Welcome by Rebecca Soffer and Gabrielle Birkner

From the two co-founders of the website Modern Loss that ‘redefined mourning’ according to the New York Times, this collection of essays and tips guides the reader through grief in the modern age. Taken from insights and stories from the Modern Loss community, this book changes the dialogue around grief with wise and funny anecdotes that help the reader to cry, laugh, identify and grieve, and most importantly find empathy.

A host of guest contributors also give their unique takes on all aspects of grief and loss, including secrets, inheritance and triggers. Modern Loss invites you to talk openly and intimately about grief, confronting our own mortality with some humour along the way. Beginners welcome.

17. Not That Kind of Love by Clare and Greg Wise

Based on Clare Wise’s blog that she started after receiving a cancer diagnosis in 2013, this book follows the ups and downs of the last few years of her life. Full of candour and warmth rather than despair, Clare’s positive energy and dynamic personality fill every page.

In the later stages when she became too weak to type, her brother Greg took over, and the book offers poignant thoughts of the beauty of life, and the necessity of talking about death. Not That Kind of Love focuses on celebrating the small things, such as wearing ‘matching socks as you leave the house in the morning’ – and anything above that is a bonus in the act of living.

18. On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler

A famous and celebrated psychological study from the late twentieth century, On Grief and Grieving came out of Dr Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ renowned seminar on life and death. It explores the five stages of grief – denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Kubler-Ross gives you a better understanding of how death affects everyone involved, and hopes to bring hope to the reader.

19. Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant

Sheryl Sandberg lost her husband Dave suddenly in 2015, aged only forty-eight. The lives of her family were turned upside down and she couldn’t imagine finding any joy or meaning again.

When she was talking to her friend about how she felt whilst missing Dave, her friend told her: “Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the s*** out of Option B.” Sandberg explains that we all face Option B at points in our lives – whether that’s dealing with losing jobs, losing love or losing lives.

Option B mixes Sandberg’s experiences with research findings from Adam Grant and other social scientists, featuring stories from those who overcame hardship – personal and professional. It offers tips on how to deal with hard times in our own lives, and how to help others too. It also looks into pre-traumatic growth, and how we can raise resilient children and create strong communities – to find real joy and love in life.

20. Signs: The Secret Language of the Universe by Laura Lynne Jackson

Signs is a hopeful book, teaching you how to recognise and interpret messages from loved ones and guiding you through spiritual connections.

A psychic medium, Jackson has the ability to communicate with those who have passed away, send messages of love and gain a better understanding of these connections. She believes everyone can have these abilities, using the ‘secret language of the universe’ and recognising the signs.

Signs relays a mixture of stories from those who have found spiritual connections with their loved ones, and also draws from her own experiences – creating a book that is comforting, practical and motivational. Once we notice these signs, we can see light in the darkness and find meaning where before there was only confusion, allowing us to engage with life in a different way and pursue joy.

21. Surviving the Death of a Sibling: Living Through Grief When an Adult Brother or Sister Dies by T.J. Wray

After losing her brother aged 43, T.J. Wray found that sibling grief often went unacknowledged, and this type of loss is rarely socially recognised. Surviving the Death of a Sibling helps others who have lost a brother or sister feel that they are not alone, and to understand their unique grieving process.

Warm and insightful, with tips such as using a grief journal and how to deal with insensitive remarks from others, this book offers rich guidance and ways to cope.

22. The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse by Charlie Mackesy

A book of hope, The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse follows four unlikely friends as they tell their stories and share the life lessons they’ve learnt along the way. A mixture of beautiful illustrations and poignant thoughts, Mackesy explores feelings that we can all relate to.

23. The Heavy Bag by Sarah Surgey

A book for children, The Heavy Bag follows a little girl named Enid who has recently lost her grandad. She feels the weight of all her emotions and feelings in her bag that she carries whilst on walk.

Along the road, she meets different people who encourage her to take out an item from her bag, and share how she is feeling. Each item represents a stage of grief, and as she unloads them, it gets easier and she continues walking with a lightness.

24. The Midnight Library by Matt Haig

Nora finds herself in The Midnight Library, a place between life and death. Her life has so far been filled with regret and misery, and letting all those around her down. But now she has the chance to change things around. The books in the library allow her to see what would have happened if she’d made different choices.

Helped by an old friend, she corrects all her past mistakes and tries to create the perfect life, but things are not always as she’d imagined. Before her time in the library runs out, she must answer the question – ‘what is the best way to live?’

25. The Swallow, the Owl and the Sandpiper: Words of Courage, Wisdom compiled by Claire Maitland

A collection of poetry, words and stories, this anthology is the perfect companion to your grief to dip in and out of on the hard days. The Swallow, the Owl and the Sandpiper would make a wonderful gift for yourself or a loved one going through loss. This book offers comfort and a chance to reflect.

26. Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail by Cheryl Strayed

A number one New York Times bestseller, and now a film adaptation starring Reese Witherspoon, Wild follows Cheryl’s eleven-hundred mile walk along the West Coast of America. Aged 26 and following the loss of her mother from cancer, a crumbling marriage and a family in disarray, she makes an impulsive decision to hike alone in the hope of finding the answers on how to piece her life back together.

27. Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Someone Who’s Been There by Cheryl Strayed

Following on from her memoir Wild, the former agony aunt offers advice whilst answering a collection of letters from people who were confused, afraid or anxious. Her responses come from an array of personal experience of the good and the bad things in life, often with hilarious and heartbreaking moments mixed in. Creating the perfect guide to those who are struggling or feeling lost, Tiny Beautiful Things offers insight, compassion and above all absolute honesty.

28. When Life is Not Peachy: Real-life lessons in recovery from heartache, grief and tough times by Pip Lincolne

Written during a tough time in her own life, Pip Lincolne offers a gentle guide for processing and navigating the sad times in life – for those who are struggling themselves or offering support to a loved one.

She gives advice on how to eat and exercise when you don’t feel like it, working through relationships with family and friends, and how to keep yourself going when you’re feeling at your lowest. When Life is Not Peachy, it’s natural to question everything, but Pip hopes to provide a helping hand and travel the journey with you.

29. Wife, Widow, Now What?: How I Navigated the Cancer World and How You Can, Too by Rachel Engstrom

Aged only 28, Rachel’s husband Grayson was diagnosed with leukemia. The diagnosis changed both of their lives, as Rachel became ‘a cancer wife, manager, team cheerleader and expert juggler at life’, supporting her husband through his illness until he died just under three years later. She had to restart her life as a widow, with no guidebook on how to do this.

Wife, Widow, Now What? follows Rachel’s journey from her social media posts at the time, whilst also providing advice on how to navigate a cancer diagnosis, the treatment process, insurance, money, support for carers and all the emotions one goes through during this time. This book is the first of its kind to be written half as a memoir, and half a self-help book – along with the music she listened to that helped her through this difficult time.

30. Where are you Lydie? by Emma Poore

It’s Lydie’s birthday today but she’s not here. In this honest and heartfelt story two brothers go on an emotional journey to find a way to connect with their baby sister. Where are you Lydie? is a special picture book, sensitively written and illustrated for children between 3 and 7 years old.

It is a facilitative story and guide for young children and their parents to explore death and bereavement together and to start those difficult conversations or explore the questions that may come up after the death of a baby in a safe and inspiring space.

31. Good Mourning: Honest conversations about grief and loss

Sally and Imogen met after both losing their mother’s suddenly. This led them to launch their podcast Good Mourning, and write this book. Good Mourning is a compassionate survival guide for anyone dealing with grief, shining a light on the many ways grief can impact our lives. Along with expert advice from a clinical psychologist and warm words and insights from hundreds of others who’ve experienced grief, this book offers practical tips on coping with isolation and loneliness, navigating grief at work, managing milestones and so much more.

And there you have it – our community’s guide to the best books on grief. Let us know in the comments below what your favourite is.

It can be hard to think of meaningful present ideas for a friend or relative who has lost someone they love. Here are our ideas for ways to show you care.

  1. Languages of Loss is psychotherapist Sasha Bates’s painfully honest and funny book about making sense of life after losing her husband Bill, helped by her psycho-analytic training.
  1. Express your sympathy with Bloom & Wild, from subtle potted ferns and rubber plants to beautiful bunches of flowers to suit different budgets.
  1. ‘Porter’ means ‘to carry’, and the Porter Pendant allows you to carry the ashes of a lost loved one with you on a necklace. This long-lasting but slightly pricier gift will be sensitively handmade to order by designer Kirsty Maclaren.
  1. A proper cup of high quality hot chocolate can be oddly comforting when times are tough. Try this award-winning 71% cocoa variety from Land, a small ethical chocolatier based in Hackney, London.
  1. The Present Tree allows you to cherish the precious memory of a loved one by planting a memorial tree in their name, each with its own symbolic meaning.
  1. Buy a life-changing gift from Freedom From Torture for someone who has lost everything, in the memory of the person who has passed away.
  1. This scented soy candle by the Lollyrocket Candle Co comes with a consoling message and can be personalised.
  1. In her book This Too Shall Pass, acclaimed psychotherapist Julia Samuel draws on conversations with her patients to show how we can adapt and thrive during our most difficult and transformative experiences.
  1. Wildflower Favours offer personalised seed packet memorial gifts to remember a loved one as spring and summer return.
  1. Apply for a Tribute Tile celebrating the life of someone special at the National Memorial Arboretum in Staffordshire – the UK’s year-round, 150-acre Centre of Remembrance.
  1. Caitlyn Minimalist creates custom jewellery engraved with the handwriting of your special someone.
  1. From memorial baubles to special lanterns and ornaments, the Lovely Keepsake Company offers a range of bereavement gifts to help people hold their memories close at Christmas and beyond.
  1. The Heavy Bag is a beautifully illustrated children’s book by Sarah Surgey about Enid, a little girl who has lost her grandad. By reading it together, adults and children can open up conversations about different kinds of grief.
  1. Create a WWF Tribute Fund page in a loved one’s memory and fight for a world where people and nature can thrive.
  1. This pack of three linen-bound journals from The School of Life is designed to help people find therapeutic solace and inspiration by writing down their ideas, aspirations and worries.
  1. Help your friend or relative keep going with award-winning, sustainably sourced coffee delivered to their door by Pact Coffee – you can even design a plan especially for them.
  1. The Treasured Memory Box is designed for saving precious keepsakes, letters and photographs in memory of a special event or person in a beautiful handmade box.

 

Last updated: 16/06/22

It can be hard to know what to say when someone dies, especially if you have a different faith or cultural heritage to the bereaved person. This quick guide can help you to send the right message to someone who has lost a loved one, from Islam and Christianity to atheists and agnostics, across the continents.

Death and grief are universal experiences, but our cultural and religious traditions for showing empathy with people who have lost a loved one can vary widely. Supporting a grieving friend or relative can bring you closer together, as long as you respect their boundaries and beliefs. Keep an open mind and remember that we all process grief differently.

A good starting point is to find out if the person grieving is religious or not. If you are afraid to ask, this map showing the size and spread of the world’s biggest faiths might give you some clues. By doing some research you’ll have a good chance of getting it right and showing that you care.

Christianity

As the world’s largest religion, Christian traditions surrounding death and grieving are interwoven with local ones. A Mexican Catholic may invite you to offer gifts and prayers at a 48-hour vigil, while an Orthodox Ethiopian might expect to be cared for by their community ahead of a final celebration on their 40th day of mourning. As all Christians base their faith on the Bible, offering a verse or prayer for their loved one, or a simple message of kindness and support in a card, could be a real source of comfort.

Islam

Muslims see death as a transition to the afterlife, and funerals take place as quickly as possible after someone passes away. Traditions vary between countries and groups, however mourners usually avoid colourful clothes and jewellery, express their feelings quietly during the funeral or prayer service, and always take their shoes off beforehand. You can offer your condolences to the family afterwards. The mourning period can last up to 40 days, during which bereaved families often appreciate flowers, cards, words from the Qur’an, charity donations and gifts of (halal) food.

Atheists and agnostics

Around 16 per cent of the world’s population are unaffiliated with any religion, including humanists, atheists and agnostics, now forming the second biggest belief system in Europe and North America. Ways of grieving vary, however many choose to celebrate their loved one’s life, our connections with each other and the planet, and see death as a final destination. Try keeping things simple and heartfelt, such as sharing a favourite memory of the deceased, sending flowers or a card expressing your sympathy and support.

Messages like these also work well if you aren’t sure how to refer to someone’s religion sensitively.

Hinduism

Most of the world’s 1 billion+ Hindus believe that the soul reincarnates into another being after death, depending on our Karma or actions in our previous life. Funeral mourners wear white (never black) and can expect an open casket followed by a cremation. You can send the family flowers ahead of the service but avoid sending food. Hindus observe 13 days of mourning, during which family, friends and community members visit to pay their respects. You can express your sympathy in many ways – including by simply offering your heartfelt condolences.

Buddhism

Buddhists believe that when we die we go through the process of samsara, or reincarnation, before we are reborn according to our thoughts and actions in our previous life. Funeral customs vary widely, with a common thread of peace and serenity. You can offer the family white or yellow flowers or a charity donation. Avoid anything red as it symbolises happiness. You can express your condolences in a card or in person, for example, by referring to Buddhism’s four perfect virtues or ‘immeasurables’: equanimity, love, compassion and joy.

Judaism

Many Jewish groups have their own distinct grieving traditions, along with similarities such as burying their dead within a day whenever possible. Avoid sending flowers, wear dark clothes during the funeral, and feel free to place a small stone on the grave with your left hand. Most families observe “Shiva” – the mourning period – during which visitors can send or bring (kosher) food baskets.  “May God console you among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem” is one of many ways to offer your condolences to a Jewish person.

Is there a particular religious or cultural tradition that you’ve found comforting? Let us know.