One of the most challenging parts of funeral planning is writing a fitting tribute to your loved one.

How can you find the words to capture just how much your friend or family member means to you? It’s harder still because you’re grieving, so emotions are running high, concentration is low, and the pressure may be overwhelming. That’s why we’ve created this guide on how to write a eulogy, complete with examples to get you started. 

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What is a eulogy?

A eulogy is a short speech given at a funeral or memorial service for a person who has died. The tradition originates from ancient Greece, and the word literally means “praise”. The key is to write the eulogy in a way that does their life justice and respects their loved ones’ memories and feelings of grief.

Who should deliver a eulogy?

Speaking about someone who has died in front of their family and friends is a courageous thing to do. If you feel daunted by the prospect, ask people around you for support. While a close relative or friend usually writes the funeral speech, it can also be delivered by an official, such as a religious leader. Do what feels right and keep it flexible. For example, if you want to write the eulogy but worry about breaking down in tears, ask someone else to be on standby to read it for you if need be.

How to write a eulogy – 6 tips

1. Make it personal

Introducing yourself in relation to the person you are remembering can be a good place to start. Describe what they meant to you, and what qualities defined them in your eyes. This will establish a connection with other people at the service and put you in the picture for those who might not know you very well.

2. Cover the essentials

When thinking about how to write a eulogy, it’s a good idea to structure it with a beginning, a middle and an end. And while it is not the same as an obituary, it usually includes brief aspects of the late person’s life, such as their early beginnings, their education and career, and particular skills, achievements or interests. Saying something specific about their family life, and mentioning their partner and/or children by name, can feel particularly important to their closest relatives.

3. Get personal stories from others

Just like our relationships with a particular person differ, so do our feelings about them when they die. To make sure you write a good eulogy that will feel meaningful to others, ask a few close friends or relatives to contribute by sharing a favourite memory, personal story, or anecdote. A range of perspectives will enrich your speech and help strike the right tone right with your audience. You might also discover a true gem in the process, like a beautiful quote that perfectly captures your loved one’s personality, qualities, and quirks.

4. Consider the length

How long should a eulogy be? Some funeral speeches are very brief and there are no set rules for length, but 3-5 minutes is common. Make it long enough to properly honour the person and say what needs to be said, in proportion to the rest of the funeral service. To get it right, try reading it out loud a few times while timing yourself and editing accordingly.

5. Make it honest

It is possible to talk about someone’s achievements and qualities without glorifying them and mention shortcomings or disappointments in a kind and accepting way. None of us are perfect, and we remember those we have lost in all their human complexity. Follow your instincts, even using some gentle humour if it feels right and relevant. And if you’re not sure, ask someone else for their honest feedback before you finalise your eulogy.

6. End on a touching note

Ending a eulogy on the right note can be tricky. One option is to finish with a poem or quote that feels consoling and meaningful, even if it happens to come from a movie such as Pretty Woman or Lord of the Rings! You might find inspiration in famous eulogies, such as Matthew’s tribute to his partner Gareth in Four Weddings and a Funeral, Oprah Winfrey’s speech for Rosa Parks, Mona Simpson remembering her brother Steve Jobs, or in books and online quote collections.

Real eulogy examples

An example structure

With the tips above, a ‘template’ for your loved one’s eulogy starts to come together. But if you’re not quite sure how to structure it, here’s a framework you can follow when you start writing:

Introduction:

Mid-section:

Closing:

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Eulogy example for a parent

Talk about: 

Example eulogy:

My dad was my hero. No matter how busy things got, he always made time for the people he cared about, and showed us that family always comes first – no matter what. Everyone who knew him knew how proud he was of the people he loved, of his dog, Buddy, and of his car… of course. You never had to ask what he was doing on a Sunday – he’d be outside washing the car again. 

I’m going to miss my dad so much, but I’m grateful for the wonderful memories I have of him. The happy trips to Cornwall when we were kids, the walks we used to go on, even just sitting on the sofa watching TV together. He made everything fun, and he knew just how precious our time on Earth is. He was always reminding me and my sisters to “enjoy life”, and that’s what he did, every day. 

I know a lot of you will be feeling as heartbroken as I am right now, and I also know that if there was anything my dad wanted me to say today, it’s this: thank you, to all of you. Everyone sitting here today meant so much to him; his work friends, his childhood friends, his whole family. He often talked about how lucky he was to have you all. I hope he knew how lucky we were to have him too. I love you Dad, thank you for being the best father we could have ever hoped for. 

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Eulogy examples for a sibling

Talk about: 

  • What your mother or father meant to you and your siblings
  • What they did both for your family and a living
  • How they raised you and the values they passed on
  • Funny stories or touching memories that you’ll always remember
  • Something they once told you or a saying they had
  • The people who meant the most to them

Example eulogy:

There will never be enough words to sum up my big sister. She was funny, kind, smart, determined… In the eyes of me and my parents, she lit up every room she walked into. [Name] threw herself at every opportunity – she never did anything by halves. When she was 21, she signed up for the marathon because she’d seen some running shoes she liked – and, of course, she smashed it. When she was 26, she went to the dog shelter ‘just to take a look’, and came home with two pups, Charlie and Bubbles, who adored her. 

So it was no surprise that she took so naturally to becoming a mum. I can’t describe the joy of seeing [Name] raise her two girls – my two favourite people – with the same care and kindness she had always shown me as her little sister. They were her pride and joy, and there is so much of [Name] in both of them. They share her generosity, fierce loyalty, flawless sense of style, and quick wit. [Kids’ names], I know nothing will ever erase the heartbreak of losing your mum, but I hope you know that we are all here for you always. 

[Name] was also a brilliant friend. She knew anyone and everyone. Sometimes it felt like there was nowhere we could go where she wouldn’t bump into at least one person who saw how brilliant she was. People were drawn to her, and her passion for life. But no matter how many friends she made, she’d never be without her best ones: Amy and Scott. She loved you both so much, and your wild stories will live on forever. 

[Name], thank you for everything. For being the life of the party, for always knowing how to make us all laugh, and for showing us how to live life to the fullest. There will never be a day we don’t miss you, but we’ll carry your love wherever we go, and your girls will never stop hearing stories about their magical mum.

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Eulogy examples for a grandparent

Talk about: 

  • Your grandmother or grandfather’s life and the people they loved
  • Their personality, their humour and their values
  • The role they played in your upbringing
  • Heartwarming memories of time spent with them

Example eulogy:

There was nobody funnier or more quick-witted than my grandmother. She was a force of nature who never failed to surprise people with her sharp one-liners and her teasing sense of humour. But she was also incredibly warm and kind. I’ll never forget our visits, Frank Sinatra playing in her living room, bowls of sweets on every surface, and her asking me, “so, what’s the latest gossip?”

She loved to chat, travel and see friends. Nan had a more active social life than anyone I know, and was always the ‘hostess with the mostest’, finding literally any reason to throw a party. Her love for her family was such a gift; something that my brother, parents, cousins, aunts, uncles and I were so lucky to experience every day. 

But Nan’s love for people didn’t just stay in her family. She was extremely charitable, hosting fundraisers, volunteering at charity shops, and offering help to anyone in need. When our grandad passed, she dedicated so much of her time TO raising money for the hospice that looked after him, as well as the RNLI in tribute to his time as a lifeguard. 

My nan and grandad’s love is something my brother, cousins and I all aspire to. Their adoration for one another was clear, and I can still hear them singing together in the kitchen. I like to think that now they’re finally back together again, having a song and a dance and big knees up. We love you Nan – thank you for everything.

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Eulogy example for a friend

Talk about: 

Example eulogy:

I’ll never forget the first time I met [Name]. I’d just moved into our halls at uni and found him in the kitchen, wearing nothing but a towel, panicking because he’d flooded his shower on day one. I quickly realised that these kinds of mishaps followed him pretty much everywhere, from the time he turned up at the airport three weeks late for a flight, to when his dog really did eat his coursework. There was always a story with [Name].

But beneath the constant jokes, mayhem and penchant for Hawaiian shirts, [Name] had the best heart. He was a true friend who backed all of us – even when we were definitely in the wrong! [Name] was the first person who called me when my dad passed away, the most dedicated best man at 3(!) of our friends’ weddings, and when he found [partner’s name], he became the most devoted boyfriend and fiancé. 

Anyone who knew [Name] knew how much he adored [partner’s name], how strong his bond was with his brothers, and how he loved nothing more than a hungover Sunday roast at his parents’ house. We’ll all miss him terribly, but it’s impossible not to smile when we think of him. [Name], you were a true friend. We’ll keep on making mischief in your honour.

More eulogy examples

The short eulogy examples above will have hopefully given you some inspiration on how you can structure your loved one’s funeral speech or the kinds of things you can talk about. We also wanted to share some well-known examples to give you extra ideas to work with. Here are a few that have stuck with us, and might help you too:

Looking for more advice on dealing with a loss? Read our guide on what to say when someone dies. If you’re planning a funeral, our round-up of the most popular funeral songs will also be useful to you.

For more advice and to connect with others who share a similar experience of loss, download the Untangle Grief app.

In the early days and weeks after a bereavement, the process of planning a funeral can feel quite overwhelming. There can be difficult decisions to make, including honouring the wishes of the person who has died, which type of funeral service to choose, and whether to opt for burial or cremation. It can help you know what to expect, so you can make decisions that are right for you and your family.

What are my options for planning a funeral?

You will have a choice between a religious or non-religious funeral service. Anyone can legally conduct a funeral or memorial service, although a member of the clergy will usually officiate a religious ceremony, and a civil celebrant will usually officiate a non-religious ceremony (also known as a humanist ceremony).

The funeral service is followed by either a burial or cremation. Often, the person who has died will have expressed a preference for one or the other when they were alive. If not, you may wish to abide by certain religious beliefs and cultural values to help you decide.

If you have a special place where you would prefer to remember your loved one, that may influence your decision on whether to choose a burial or cremation. With a burial, there is a grave to visit and maintain. After a cremation, the ashes are returned to the family for them to keep at home or scatter at a meaningful location.

What happens at a burial?

After the funeral service, the mourners will assemble at the graveside for the burial. The grave will be prepared and ready before you arrive. A short ceremony takes place, usually led by a religious leader or celebrant. It can involve readings and prayers at the graveside. When the time comes, the casket or coffin is lowered into the ground by nominated family bearers or funeral directors. Mourners are invited to throw flowers or scatter soil onto the coffin as a final goodbye. Some people might choose to stay at the graveside for quiet reflection after the ceremony.

What happens at a cremation?

A cremation is held at a designated crematorium. Sometimes the funeral service itself is held in the crematorium, or it can take place in a religious venue. You will arrive at the crematorium at your designated time slot, and as the service starts, sometimes you will follow behind the coffin to enter the chapel and take a seat.

The moment of taking the body away for cremation is called the committal. You will be asked beforehand whether you prefer curtains to be left open, or to close in front of the coffin as it is committed. Once the coffin is taken out of view, mourners are invited to view the flowers left in memory of the person who has died before going to attend a reception or gathering.

What can I expect when planning a funeral?

As you are in the very early days and weeks of coping with grief, it’s normal to feel apprehensive and overwhelmed at the thought of planning the funeral. Go easy on yourself during this time and spend some time preparing yourself emotionally.

Your chosen funeral director can guide and support you throughout the funeral planning, including advising of the options available within your budget. They can help make sure all the necessary paperwork is completed, provide appropriate transport to and from the funeral, arrange music for the ceremony, recommend and liaise with a florist, and much more.

Following a bereavement, the stress of planning a funeral can sometimes cause conflict between family members. It can help to resolve tensions by thinking about what the person who has died would have wanted and following any instructions in the Will. You could also get an impartial opinion from your funeral director, who will have experience in supporting grieving relatives.

What else do I need to know?

The estate of the deceased can cover the costs of the funeral. The person responsible for the estate administration (usually named in the Will) will have access to the funds once probate has been completed, a process that can take several months.

A funeral service is usually held within 2-3 weeks of death in the UK, but there can be some delay if a coroner’s inquest or post-mortem is ordered.

How can I give my loved one the best send-off?

Funerals can bring together distant relatives or friends not seen for years, and in some ways, it can be comforting to know that you have all come together for the same reason: to celebrate the life of the person you loved.

You can personalise the funeral service to reflect the tastes and personality of the person who has died. Maybe you could arrange for their favourite song to play or ask mourners to wear a bright colour instead of black.

The wake is an opportunity to celebrate the life of the person who has died; to raise a toast to them and share memories and stories. Some people like to display photographs around the venue or arrange a video slideshow of happy memories. You can plan the wake in any way you choose, and after the heaviness of the day, people are often ready to give the person who has died a good send-off.