emotions | Untangle Grief

When I was 15, my Mum was diagnosed with an aggressive form of stomach cancer. Turns out, the doctors had been ignoring her symptoms for a couple of years because she didn’t have the typical risk factors for someone with cancer. She wasn’t overweight, didn’t smoke or drink, and this particular form of cancer doesn’t run in the family – so they weren’t looking for it.

I remember her sitting down to tell us one day in February after school. “I’ve got cancer” she told us, “but don’t worry. I’m going to have treatment and surgery and everything will be fine”.

I believed her. I didn’t know any differently and had never had any experiences with cancer before. I wasn’t prepared for what happened over the coming weeks and months.

Mum started chemo and swiftly started to lose her hair, and as the weight fell off of her it became obvious that this was really serious. We didn’t know just how serious until just three months later our Dad sat us down to tell us “Mum won’t make it through the week”.

This was the first time I realised I was going to have to face life without my Mum. That I would have to go through all my teenage milestones – like having my first boyfriend, doing my A levels and applying to University – without her by my side.

She died just three days later, at home with her four children and surrounded by family.

There’s never a good time to lose your Mum, let alone when you’re a teenager going through your GCSE exams. I was pulled out of my Maths exam to be at home with Mum when she died, and I went back into school the next day to take another exam.

As the eldest of four children, with my younger sister being just 9 years old at the time, I ended up taking on a lot of adult responsibility very early on. Not only was I having to contend with the loss of my main attachment figure, I also had to focus on my education and taking the next steps to get through exams and into Sixth Form to do my A levels whilst also picking up a lot of slack at home while my Dad was struggling with his own grief. I’d be responsible for cooking, cleaning and looking after my siblings. There wasn’t a lot of room for my grief.

So I struggled through those late teenage milestones, barely scraping through my A Levels (with multiple threats of being kicked out of Sixth Form) and I made it into University to study Business Administration.

I didn’t really want to be at University, but I didn’t know what else to do. I felt completely lost and was still reeling from the trauma of losing my Mum.

I hadn’t realised until recently just how badly my world had spun off course at age 15. The future that I assumed was planned out for me, one that I’d dreamed about and was excited for, was now just a faint image in the distance. I wasn’t sure of anything anymore except that I wanted my Mum so desperately and I was sorely missing that safe, secure relationship that I didn’t have with anyone else.

Having not had the space to grieve properly I found myself struggling with bad anxiety and depression all through my late teens and early twenties. At about age 23, it got to a point where it was so bad I had no other option but to get some support.

I reached out to a local counselling organisation to speak with someone about the challenges I’d been facing. It was the first time I’d had an open and non judgemental space to talk about everything that had happened over the last eight years. For the first time I was able to create the smallest window of space to air those really difficult feelings I’d kept bottled up inside. The ones I’d kept under lock and key for fear that if they came out they’d overwhelm me and I’d not be able to recover, like I’d never make it out from under the weight of them.

Over time I started to feel like I could breathe again, like my lungs had just a bit more space to expand. I knew I was ready to find some inspiration to ‘start’ my life, but I didn’t know where to begin. I looked at people in my circle to see what they were doing with their lives and if there was anything that might spark some creative joy within me.

At the time, my cousin was training to be a Play Therapist. I’d never heard of Play Therapy before but it sounded intriguing. She explained to me that it’s like counselling for children, but rather than using words to describe how they’re feeling or what they’ve been through they use toys and play. “Play is the natural language of children”, she told me.

In that moment I realised that something major had been lacking for me and my younger siblings when we were dealing with the trauma and grief of losing our Mum. We hadn’t had anyone we could talk to, or anywhere we could go to blow off steam and be children, with someone who understood how we might be feeling. All of the adults in our lives were also grieving and it made it hard for them to really give us what we needed at the time. No one at school was well equipped enough to support us either – we really were left alone in our separate grief processes.

As soon as my cousin explained Play Therapy to me, I knew I’d found something special – something inspiring. I wanted to provide Play Therapy to children and young people who’d faced trauma so they didn’t have to go through the same isolating and frightening experiences that I had. I set my mind to providing a service to local children through their schools, and started raising money.

Over the next decade I worked hard to build up a Play Therapy charity in Oxfordshire, one that would go on to win awards and support hundreds of children and families. Clear Sky Children’s Charity was born from my desire to make sure other children and young people didn’t feel so alone when they were facing really difficult things in life. I went on to do a Masters in Play Therapy and learn about ways that parents play a crucial role in children’s mental health, and how strong relationships (with remaining parents / carers) can provide protection for the developing minds of children and young people.

From my Masters research I devised a 6 step programme for parents and carers, called Treasure Time, to develop the strong foundations of good mental health, with strong communication and secure attachment between their children and themselves.

I didn’t realise it at the time, but all of the work I was doing in the charity and with Treasure Time was part of me processing my loss. I found I could fill in missing pieces of my puzzle by learning about the way children experience and process trauma. I understood why I’d struggled so much with the loss of my Mum and that I really lacked age appropriate support when I needed it the most.

I realise now that seeing a child in pain, especially your own child, can be extremely triggering for parents. If you’re also grieving it might feel like an impossible situation to overcome. My best advice for parents is that your child really needs you to bring them in closer to you during this time. It’s easy for families to fracture after the loss of a parent in particular. Everyone has their own grief journey and you might not be on the same path at the same time. Everyone’s experience is valid.

Where you can, normalise grieving. Normalise having conversations about the person you’ve lost. Acknowledge there will be days when you cry, and days that you laugh and everything in between. But you need to do parts of the journey together. It’s easy for children to feel isolated and scared when they’ve lost someone close to them, and this can make them vulnerable. To best protect your children and to preserve their mental health you need to make sure the relationship you have with them is strong and secure so that they know they can turn to you and count on you when they need your help.

Sophia is a Play Therapist and Founder of Clear Sky Children’s Charity & Treasure Time an organisation that supports children impacted by trauma through Play and Creative Arts Therapy, which she founded because of the experience of losing her Mum as a teenager.

During this workshop, Lisa will create a space to bring people together, through storytelling about a lost loved one. Stories are a great way to connect with others, and telling stories about our loved ones can keep their memory, and your memories of them, alive. With Lisa’s guidance, you will have the opportunity to share all your favourite stories about your loved one with the group – their favourite song, favourite food, secret recipes – all while listening to and learning from others. Perhaps by sharing stories about our grief more openly and honestly, we can provide comfort to ourselves, and those around us.

Lisa has been working in a leadership role supporting children and families through chaotic and difficult life experiences for over 18 years. She has a passion for storytelling, listening and sharing experiences to help you heal, especially through grief. She was just 30 years old when she lost her father, and she lost her mother just under two years ago. Lisa finds great comfort through sharing stories about her parents and listening to others – and looks forward to enjoying an evening of reminiscing. Her favourite grief quote is :”My grief will last as long as my love – forever” – Mark Lemon

To meet others who share a similar experience of loss, as well as access to 30+ support groups, get the Untangle app.
We’re all in this terrible club together.

‘How long does grief last?’ It’s a question we often hear in the early days of a bereavement, when the future feels uncertain and you’re not sure what to expect from the journey ahead. Here, we talk about the importance of not setting timelines as you go through your grief, and why everyone’s experience is unique.

So, how long does grief last?

The truth is, it’s different for everyone. There is no timeline for grief and, unfortunately, it doesn’t have an expiry date. It simply takes as long as it takes. What’s important is that you give yourself time to experience loss in your own way, without setting expectations or timelines, or feeling frustrated that it’s taking longer than you hoped.

Every loss is different, and how you process your grief is unique to you. That’s why, while some may start to feel better within weeks, others could find it takes months or years. Many of us at Untangle have come to realise that our grief will never fully go away, but that our day-to-day lives have become more manageable as time has gone on.

It reminds us of Lois Tonkin’s theory that grief stays with us, but our life grows around that loss. It’s always there and it’s always the same size, but slowly you rebuild your world around it. How that grief presents itself can change, too. While, in the early days, it might be a very physical experience, later on it might be more emotional, but without the brain fog or exhaustion you felt at first. Usually, these feelings come in waves that hit stronger on some days, and gentler on others. Roll with them, knowing that a calmer tide is on the horizon, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

What are the seven stages of grief after death?

How long does each stage of grief last?

The idea was first introduced as five stages of grief by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, before ‘shock and denial’ and ‘acceptance’ were later added on. But we’ll be honest: at Untangle, we see these stages as something of a myth. While you might experience all of the symptoms above, the idea of a ‘checklist’ or a ‘correct’ way to grieve ignores how unique the grieving process is.

However, if you do go through these stages, know that the timing is different for everyone. Some of them may be fleeting, some may come and go, and some you may never feel at all. While these stages have often been interpreted as being in a set order, Kübler-Ross made it clear in her writing that they are not linear.

Check out our extensive guide to the stages of grief, including what to expect and how to cope.

What does grief do to your body?

Grieving isn’t just an emotional process. It can be surprisingly physical too, leaving you exhausted, achy, restless and even with cold or flu-like symptoms. Your mind and body are run down and burnt out, and you might feel that way for weeks or even months. It’s one of many reasons why taking a break is needed in those early stages of a bereavement.

How long does grief fatigue last?

We wish we could tell you that it’s ending soon, but like all stages of grief, it takes as long as it takes to get over grief fatigue. Not only is your mind in overdrive and your body coping with a trauma, but you might also be suffering from insomnia, which adds to the exhaustion. Our advice is always patience, but if you feel that grief fatigue is lasting too long for you (not for someone else), you can speak to a doctor about ways to improve your sleep or energy levels. They might be able to offer suggestions on establishing a new sleep pattern, or vitamins to take that will support your body during this difficult time.

How long does grief brain fog last?

Brain fog is an all too common (and often frustrating) symptom of grief, but try not to be hard on yourself if you find you’re more forgetful in the first weeks or months after a loved one dies. There’s a lot of new information for your brain to process, both in terms of the actual loss and shock, and in terms of any difficult ‘death admin’ you may have to do. Where possible, lean on the help of others for the admin side of things. (Reading our ‘What to do when someone dies’ complete guide may help also.) The brain fog should start to clear with time, as you overcome the shock.

How long does pet grief last?

Pets are family, so when they pass away, the loss is heartbreaking – whether it’s a dog, a cat or another beloved animal. You haven’t just lost a loved one, but often a sense of routine that was built around caring for your pet. And, to make it harder, not everyone will always understand this kind of grief if they’ve not been through it.

Scientific American says that, after the loss of a pet, acute grief can last two months, with symptoms of grief persisting up to a full year (on average). But, again, we recommend you never put a timeline on your feelings. We at Untangle have experienced this kind of grief, and know how hard it is to adjust to life without your pet. This is your reminder to not bottle up your feelings, and to find people who understand what you’re going through. One day you’ll be able to reflect on all your pet’s funny, unique quirks with a smile.

Does grief last forever?

It can – and that’s okay. Grief may stay with you forever, but it won’t always feel as hard or all-consuming as it does right now. In the future, you might find that it’s triggered by a birthday or an anniversary – or just an unexpected memory. But the days in between will start to feel normal again, and missing your loved one will be more manageable. Some things that can help you on this journey include:

Speaking to HR or a trusted manager at work. Returning to work after a bereavement can be difficult, so it’s important you get the support you need.

A note on complicated grief

Feelings of deep sadness and hopelessness are common when grieving. However, you may be dealing with complicated grief if you:

Complicated grief is an ongoing state of mourning that will often be debilitating, but there are ways to find happiness in your life again. It’s important that you speak to a loved one or a doctor, who will be able to help you access the support you need, whether that’s individual therapy or medicine. You don’t have to struggle alone.

If you want to share how you’re feeling, ask questions to others who have lost or simply read their stories, head on over to the Untangle community via the Untangle Grief app.

Bereavement cards, also known as sympathy cards, can mark the death of a family member, friend or pet. A bereavement card is a nice way to show someone you’re thinking about them after a loss.

Bereavement cards are typically sent immediately following a loss, but you could also send one to mark a poignant occasion. For example, you might wish to acknowledge an anniversary or send a special first Christmas card after bereavement. You could even make a note in your diary to remind you every year.

What makes a good bereavement card?

A good bereavement card comes from the heart and is written with the recipient in mind.

Our tips:

Be authentic. Speak from the heart to reflect your relationship with the person receiving the card and their loved one who has died.

Acknowledge their pain. It’s ok to acknowledge the pain of loss and let the bereaved person express their pain. Don’t encourage them to ‘keep their chin up’ or ‘stay positive’.

Don’t compare your own loss. In most instances, it’s unhelpful to focus on yourself by talking about your own loss when someone is recently bereaved. However, there might be an exception if it’s highly relevant, for example, if you’ve both had a loss under the same unusual circumstances.

Be specific with offers for help. Although you might mean it when you say, “Let me know if I can help”, it leaves the responsibility on the bereaved person to reach out. Instead, try offering something specific, for example, “I can get your groceries and leave them on the doorstep”.

What should you write in a bereavement card?

It can be hard to know what to write in a bereavement card, and many people worry about saying the wrong thing. Remember that the person for whom you’re buying the card is likely to simply appreciate the kind gesture.

There is no right or wrong way to send a message of condolence, and nothing anyone can write in a card will take away the pain of loss. However, some thoughtful, kind words can go a long way in helping someone find comfort in their grief.

Examples

Here are a few examples of good sympathy messages you could include in your bereavement card.

A short, simple message to acknowledge their grief.

Offering practical or emotional support can help a recently bereaved person feel less alone.

Religious messages

Personalised message

Don’t be afraid to talk about special memories you have with the person who has died. It can be very comforting for the people left behind to hear stories about their loved one’s life.

Where to find bereavement cards

There are plenty of great places to find bereavement cards in the UK. Before you start looking, think about the style of the card that might suit that person. Perhaps they have a strong faith and would get comfort from a religious card, or would appreciate you acknowledging the passing of their beloved pet with a dog bereavement card.

On the high street

Some people like to see and feel bereavement cards before making a choice. Many well established high street chains specialise in greetings cards, including Hallmark, Clinton Cards and Card Factory. Many of these stores can be found in your local town or city and feature a range of bereavement cards at different prices.

Supermarkets and convenience stores

Most supermarkets and convenience stores carry a line of greetings cards, although the selection of bereavement cards may be limited in smaller shops.

Online greetings cards suppliers

Online greetings cards stores include Moonpig, Thortful and Funky Pigeon. There are a few notable benefits to choosing and buying a bereavement card online.

To meet others who share a similar experience of loss, as well as access to our parent loss support group, join the Untangle app.
We’re all in this terrible club together.

Losing both of your parents, no matter what age you are, can be painful and scary. You may find that your family structure has suddenly changed and the people you’ve depended on for years aren’t there any more to support you. It can be exposing, vulnerable and lonely.

If you’ve heard terms like ‘adult orphan’, ‘double parental bereavement’ or ‘double parental loss’ being used to describe your situation, you may be wondering what this all actually means. ‘Adult orphan’ is not a term we usually like to use at Untangle, but we understand that you may have some questions around it. So we’ve put together a guide to help make things a little easier and less confusing. In this guide we’ll look into answering important questions like:

Our work at Untangle means that we’ve seen up close how there’s no universal way to experience grief. Going through something as defining and unique as losing both of your parents can be a very lonely thing to experience. You may have a partner, children or you may be surrounded by friends and family, but when both of your parents die, it’s very normal to feel a sudden and strong sense of loneliness.

Don’t forget, you’re not alone. In this guide we’ve added in a few ways to help you manage your grief and get through the hardest days, but if you’re looking to talk to people who are going through similar experiences, join our community here.

Can an adult be an orphan?

When you think of an orphan, you’ll probably be thinking of someone under the age of 18 who has lost both of their parents. An adult, with real-life responsibilities like paying bills or having a full-time job or even having kids of their own, may not be the first image that comes to mind.

In Emily Dean’s article ‘Things you only know if you’re an adult orphan’ she talks about how the word ‘orphan’ just feels strange when it’s used by an adult. As she says, “Orphans have tight, red 1970s perms and kindly wealthy benefactors. They don’t have mortgages and powerful anti-ageing creams”.

While the textbook definition of an orphan is a child who has lost both parents, adults can be considered orphans too. The word orphan has expanded broadly over time, so it can be used to describe anyone who has lost their biological parents.

The term ‘adult orphan’ is commonly used to describe someone who has lost both parents in adulthood.

What is orphan syndrome?

Orphan syndrome is a psychological condition that can come from losing one or both parents. It’s not always caused by something physical, like your mum or dad (or both parents) dying, it can also be caused by an emotional loss of parents that comes through neglect or abandonment.

Orphan syndrome is sometimes known as ‘abandoned child syndrome’ when it’s seen in children.

What does orphan syndrome in adults look like?

Orphan syndrome in adults is a type of anxiety. It can look different for everyone and it comes in many shapes and sizes. There’s no one-size-fits-all way to experience grief; grief can turn your world upside down, and it can impact our lives in very different ways.

People experiencing grief that’s caused by double parental loss, sometimes talk about something called ‘grief brain’. ‘Grief brain’ is what happens to your brain when you’re overloaded with feelings like sadness, loneliness and grief. It can affect your memory and concentration and lead to sleeping difficulties, anxiety and even migraines.

It’s normal to feel overwhelmed and lonely after losing both of your parents. If you’re looking for support to help you through it, or to connect with people experiencing something similar, you can join our wonderful and supportive community here.

What does becoming an orphan in your 20s, 40s, 50s and beyond feel like?

Experiencing the loss of one parent is incredibly painful no matter what age you are, but going through double parental loss as an adult can bring on entirely new feelings of grief. Some people say that it causes a sudden questioning of your identity and your own mortality.

Caron Kemp lost both of her parents by the time she was 36. In an article written for Cosmopolitan, Caron describes the impact that losing both parents and becoming an ‘adult orphan’ had on her sense of identity.

“I lost my identity as someone’s daughter, I lost the family and friends only connected to me through them, and I lost anything standing in the pecking order between me and my own demise”.

Losing both parents as an adult can also trigger feelings of grief you thought were behind you, and this can sometimes be latent grief for the first parent you lost.

It’s a very human reaction to keep yourself busy after experiencing a significant loss, like the death of a parent. People often find that there’s so much going on and plenty of welcome distractions at first. Organising the funeral, notifying friends and family, sorting out their estate and will. The list goes on.

But once the dust settles, you may find you have more time to think about what’s happened, and that’s when we often see the grief start to sink in. It’s at this point that we see the loss of a second parent uncover feelings of grief for the loss of the first parent. These are often feelings that people may have thought they’d put behind them.

If you’re grieving the loss of one or both parents, you can chat to our team of experts for advice and grief support by joining our community here.

Our work at Untangle has shown us how people who have lost one parent often find support in others who have been through something similar. But people who have lost both parents can often feel very lonely and isolated.

Double parental loss changes your familial status, and this can be particularly isolating if you find yourself as an ‘adult orphan’ early in your adult life.

Joel Golby wrote for the Guardian of his experience becoming an orphaned adult in his 20s, saying “instances of grief, I have found, are unique, two never coming in the same shape. There is no one single catch-all solution.”

There’s often an assumption that once you’ve dealt with grief once, you’ll know how it feels and understand how it works. You’ll have a list of tools and strategies and a support system to rely on. But each time you experience grief can actually feel very different from the other experiences you have.

How to cope with the loss of both parents?

Coping with the loss of both parents is an incredibly difficult thing to go through. There’s no magic fix to help get rid of the pain and sadness that can come from being an orphaned adult. For some people, the grief of losing both parents comes as a shock. For others, it’s a slow and overwhelming realisation that things have changed.

“The loss of a second parent can mean the loss of the home you grew up in. It could mean the loss of rituals that have lasted a lifetime, the loss of habits and practises that have lasted for decades,” said Bella DePaulo, a social science researcher at the University of California at Santa Barbara who has written about the resulting loss when parents die.

We’ve put together a few ways to help you cope with double parental loss – it won’t take away the grief, but it’ll hopefully make things a bit easier.

Try not to dismiss your feelings or minimise your loss by telling yourself that your parents ‘had a good run’ or ‘it was their time to go’. These are often things we tell ourselves (or others) to help make death seem like a natural part of life. And while it may be true, sometimes saying things like this can undermine our very real feelings.

Make time for your grief, whether you’ve lost your parents in your 20s or 60s. There’s a lot to take in and it’ll take some time for you to adapt.

We’ve seen members of our community stay bonded to their parents through doing small things like supporting their parent’s favourite charity, making their favourite meal once a week, or visiting their favourite restaurant.

Take time to listen to the music they loved, put up photographs of your parents around your house, bake a cake to celebrate their birthday and don’t be afraid to talk to family and friends about what they were like. Don’t forget, your loved ones want to support you through this grief, and you won’t be burdening them by opening up.

Grief can manifest itself in physical and emotional ways; taking time to connect with both your body and what’s going on in your mind, is important. Try to move every day – whether it’s a walk, yoga, a run or even dancing in your room with the curtains closed. Practise self-compassion and kindness and celebrate the small wins in life.

No matter how hard your friends and family try to support you, becoming an orphan in adulthood is something that’s incredibly hard to explain to people who haven’t experienced it themselves. Find a community of people who have gone through this too, so you can turn to them for support when you need it. Reach out to people you know from your friendship group or work who have recently lost a second parent, meet them for coffee and talk to them about how you feel.

To meet others who share a similar experience of loss, including access to over 25+ support spaces, download the Untangle app.
We’re all in this terrible club together.

The late bell hooks knew that where there is grief, there is powerful, enduring love. “In its deepest sense,” she wrote, “grief is a burning of the heart, an intense heat that gives us solace and release.” Whether you have lost someone yourself or are comforting another who has lost a loved one, it can feel like there is nothing that can be said to make it better. But as exemplified by bell hooks, the greatest grief quotes provide comfort by sharing an experience of this pain.

Collected from the work of historic writers, poets, and songwriters, the following quotes incorporate a number of perspectives to guide through feelings of grief and loss. They stand apart from the rest— offering wisdom about living with their memory, absence, and the grieving process itself.

Find the words you need in our collection of the greatest quotes about grief and healing below.

Quotes about grief and memories:

Quotes about loss:

Quotes about grief:

That rounds out our collection of 35 quotes about grief and healing. We hope that some of the quotes on this list can provide comfort or clarity for you and yours, or to send to anyone grieving. Whose words have you resonated with when processing a loss? And for free grief support, click here.

We asked members of our community what they think are the best books on grief and loss.

Ranging from psychotherapist studies to books for children, here is a list of 30 books that you might find useful whilst grieving yourself, or as a thoughtful gift to send to a loved one who might be going through a loss.

1. A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

The Chronicles of Narnia author C.S. Lewis had been married to his wife for four blissful years. When she died of cancer in 1960, he found himself alone, inconsolable in his grief. In this intimate journal, A Grief Observed chronicles the aftermath of the bereavement and mourning with blazing honesty. He grapples with a crisis of religious faith, navigating hope, rage, despair, and love – but eventually regains his bearings, finding his way back to life.

2. A Half Baked Idea by Olivia Potts

At the moment her mother died, grief pushed Olivia into the kitchen. She came home from her job as a criminal barrister miserable and tired, and baked soda bread, pizza, and chocolate banana cake.

She found comfort in jams and solace in pies, and what began as a distraction from grief became a way of building a life outside grief, a way of surviving, and making sense of her life without her mum. A Half Baked Idea follows Olivia’s journey through her grief, whilst studying at Le Cordon Bleu – despite not being able to cook!

3. All At Sea by Decca Aitkenhead

On a hot still morning on a beautiful beach in Jamaica, Decca Aitkenhead’s life changed forever. Her four-year-old boy was paddling peacefully at the water’s edge when a wave pulled him out to sea. Her partner, Tony, swam out and saved their son’s life then drowned before her eyes. Exploring race and redemption, privilege and prejudice, All At Sea is a remarkable story of love and loss, of how one couple changed each other’s lives and of what a sudden death can do to the people who survive.

4. Being Mortal by Atul Gawande

Being Mortal is a book about the modern experience of mortality – what it’s like to get old and die, how medicine has changed this and how it has not, where our ideas about death have gone wrong. With his trademark mix of perceptiveness and sensitivity, Gawande outlines a story that crosses the globe, as he examines his experiences as a surgeon and those of his patients and family, and learns to accept the limits of what he can do.

5. Bird Therapy by Joe Harkness

When Joe Harkness suffered a breakdown in 2013, he tried all the things his doctor recommended: medication helped, counselling was enlightening, and mindfulness grounded him. But nothing came close to nature, particularly birds.

The positive change in Joe’s wellbeing was so profound that he started a blog to record his experience. Three years later he became a spokesperson for the benefits of birdwatching, spreading the word everywhere from Radio 4 to Downing Street. In this groundbreaking book filled with practical advice, Bird Therapy explains the impact that birdwatching had on his life, and invites the reader to discover these extraordinary effects for themselves.

6. Cheer the F**k up by Jack Rooke

Part comedic memoir, part advice guide, this book is a fresh and timely take on a huge issue very close to Jack’s heart – in 2015, while working as an ambassador for a male mental health charity, he lost one of his best friends to suicide.

Taking you on a journey through his life and experiences with grief, sexuality, depression and more, Jack offers his own frank and powerful advice on how best to have meaningful conversations about a loved one’s state of mind. Hilarious and heart-breaking in equal measure, Cheer the F**K Up will definitely make you laugh and might just make you cry, but it could also help save a life.

7. Everything Is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love and Loss by Stephanie Wittels Wachs

A memoir of family, addiction, and grief from the sister of Harris Wittels, the Parks and Recreation writer whose death shocked the comedy world. In Everything Is Horrible and Wonderful Stephanie Wittels Wachs alternates between her brother’s struggle with addiction, which she learned about three days before her wedding, and the first year after his death, in all its emotional devastation. A profound exploration of the love between siblings, it will make you laugh, cry, and wonder if that possum on the fence is really your brother’s spirit animal.

8. Finding Joy by Gary Andrews

When his wife, Joy, died very suddenly, a daily drawing became the way Gary Andrews dealt with his grief. From learning how to juggle his kids’ playdates and single-handedly organising Christmas, to getting used to the empty side of the bed, Gary’s honest and often hilarious illustrations have touched the hearts of thousands on social media. Finding Joy is the story of how one family learned to live again after tragedy.

9. Grief Is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter

A Sunday Times ‘Top 100 Novel of the 21st Century’, this story centres around two young boys in London who have just lost their mother suddenly. Their father cannot imagine life moving forwards without this deep sadness. In a moment of despair, the family are visited by Crow – and they are unsure whether he is an antagonist, a trickster, a babysitter – or indeed a healer.

The bird becomes attached to the family in the depths of their grief, and promises he will stay until they no longer need his guidance. Grief Is the Thing with Feathers is full of humour and emotional depth, and the truths about grief will stay with you for a long time.

10. Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman

A collection of thoughtful words to provide comfort and inspiration – for anyone who has lost a loved one. Healing After Loss would also make a great gift!

11. How to Grieve Like a Champ by Lianna Champ

Lianna Champ is a bereavement counsellor, and has over forty years experience in funeral care. Lianna is passionate about improving our relationship with our own mortality, and feels strongly that if we have a good life, we can die well too. How to Grieve Like a Champ is both emotionally comforting and practical, and presented in a way that even those in the depths of grief with a short attention span can easily digest the information and be comforted by her inspirational words.

12. Humankind: A Hopeful History by Rutger Bregman

A Sunday Times and New York Times bestseller, Humankind argues against the classic narrative that human beings are all naturally selfish and self-interested. Bregman argues that the trust and cooperation, rather than distrust and competition, can be traced back to the beginning of humanity. Bregman takes some of the world’s most famous case studies and events and frames them in a positive light, showing how believing that people can be altruistic and kind can help achieve real change in society.

13. It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand by Megan Devine

Megan Devine explores why our culture treats grief like something to be cured as quickly as possible, even though it is ‘a natural and sane response to loss.’ Devine has experienced grief from both sides – as a therapist and also as a woman after losing her partner in a tragic accident.

Using her experience, she writes truthfully about love, loss and healing, and debunks the myth of returning to a ‘normal’ life – instead preferring to invite you to build life alongside your grief. A mixture of stories, tips, research and mindfulness, It’s Ok That You’re Not Ok offers a unique guide to the experience we will all face at one stage or another in our lives.

14. Languages of Loss: A Psychotherapist’s Journey Through Grief by Sasha Bates

From her lived experience as a therapist, and after unexpectedly losing her husband Bill at only 49 years old, Sasha Bates finds a way to manage her pain by looking back over all she has learnt from her psychotherapeutic research and theories of grief, to help her navigate this new reality.

Languages of Loss breaks down taboos and tries to find light moments and humour in the necessary conversation about what death and loss means. Highly recommended for those in the first few months of their loss, this book supports readers through the pain and gives them permission to explore all their feelings. The main message is that everyone grieves differently, but knowing more about the theory can help you feel less alone and reflect upon how far you’ve come.

15. Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and prominent Viennese psychiatrist, tells his story and observations on the ways both he and others coped in Auschwitz, noticing that often those who provided comfort and showed kindness towards others survived for the longest.

He notes that even when everything is taken away from us, we still have the ability to choose how we behave and react. He concludes that humankind’s biggest wish is to search for a sense of purpose. Man’s Search For Meaning gives us a way to transcend our pain and suffering, and find reasons to keep on living.

16. Modern Loss: Candid Conversation about Grief. Beginners Welcome by Rebecca Soffer and Gabrielle Birkner

From the two co-founders of the website Modern Loss that ‘redefined mourning’ according to the New York Times, this collection of essays and tips guides the reader through grief in the modern age. Taken from insights and stories from the Modern Loss community, this book changes the dialogue around grief with wise and funny anecdotes that help the reader to cry, laugh, identify and grieve, and most importantly find empathy.

A host of guest contributors also give their unique takes on all aspects of grief and loss, including secrets, inheritance and triggers. Modern Loss invites you to talk openly and intimately about grief, confronting our own mortality with some humour along the way. Beginners welcome.

17. Not That Kind of Love by Clare and Greg Wise

Based on Clare Wise’s blog that she started after receiving a cancer diagnosis in 2013, this book follows the ups and downs of the last few years of her life. Full of candour and warmth rather than despair, Clare’s positive energy and dynamic personality fill every page.

In the later stages when she became too weak to type, her brother Greg took over, and the book offers poignant thoughts of the beauty of life, and the necessity of talking about death. Not That Kind of Love focuses on celebrating the small things, such as wearing ‘matching socks as you leave the house in the morning’ – and anything above that is a bonus in the act of living.

18. On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler

A famous and celebrated psychological study from the late twentieth century, On Grief and Grieving came out of Dr Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ renowned seminar on life and death. It explores the five stages of grief – denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Kubler-Ross gives you a better understanding of how death affects everyone involved, and hopes to bring hope to the reader.

19. Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant

Sheryl Sandberg lost her husband Dave suddenly in 2015, aged only forty-eight. The lives of her family were turned upside down and she couldn’t imagine finding any joy or meaning again.

When she was talking to her friend about how she felt whilst missing Dave, her friend told her: “Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the s*** out of Option B.” Sandberg explains that we all face Option B at points in our lives – whether that’s dealing with losing jobs, losing love or losing lives.

Option B mixes Sandberg’s experiences with research findings from Adam Grant and other social scientists, featuring stories from those who overcame hardship – personal and professional. It offers tips on how to deal with hard times in our own lives, and how to help others too. It also looks into pre-traumatic growth, and how we can raise resilient children and create strong communities – to find real joy and love in life.

20. Signs: The Secret Language of the Universe by Laura Lynne Jackson

Signs is a hopeful book, teaching you how to recognise and interpret messages from loved ones and guiding you through spiritual connections.

A psychic medium, Jackson has the ability to communicate with those who have passed away, send messages of love and gain a better understanding of these connections. She believes everyone can have these abilities, using the ‘secret language of the universe’ and recognising the signs.

Signs relays a mixture of stories from those who have found spiritual connections with their loved ones, and also draws from her own experiences – creating a book that is comforting, practical and motivational. Once we notice these signs, we can see light in the darkness and find meaning where before there was only confusion, allowing us to engage with life in a different way and pursue joy.

21. Surviving the Death of a Sibling: Living Through Grief When an Adult Brother or Sister Dies by T.J. Wray

After losing her brother aged 43, T.J. Wray found that sibling grief often went unacknowledged, and this type of loss is rarely socially recognised. Surviving the Death of a Sibling helps others who have lost a brother or sister feel that they are not alone, and to understand their unique grieving process.

Warm and insightful, with tips such as using a grief journal and how to deal with insensitive remarks from others, this book offers rich guidance and ways to cope.

22. The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse by Charlie Mackesy

A book of hope, The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse follows four unlikely friends as they tell their stories and share the life lessons they’ve learnt along the way. A mixture of beautiful illustrations and poignant thoughts, Mackesy explores feelings that we can all relate to.

23. The Heavy Bag by Sarah Surgey

A book for children, The Heavy Bag follows a little girl named Enid who has recently lost her grandad. She feels the weight of all her emotions and feelings in her bag that she carries whilst on walk.

Along the road, she meets different people who encourage her to take out an item from her bag, and share how she is feeling. Each item represents a stage of grief, and as she unloads them, it gets easier and she continues walking with a lightness.

24. The Midnight Library by Matt Haig

Nora finds herself in The Midnight Library, a place between life and death. Her life has so far been filled with regret and misery, and letting all those around her down. But now she has the chance to change things around. The books in the library allow her to see what would have happened if she’d made different choices.

Helped by an old friend, she corrects all her past mistakes and tries to create the perfect life, but things are not always as she’d imagined. Before her time in the library runs out, she must answer the question – ‘what is the best way to live?’

25. The Swallow, the Owl and the Sandpiper: Words of Courage, Wisdom compiled by Claire Maitland

A collection of poetry, words and stories, this anthology is the perfect companion to your grief to dip in and out of on the hard days. The Swallow, the Owl and the Sandpiper would make a wonderful gift for yourself or a loved one going through loss. This book offers comfort and a chance to reflect.

26. Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail by Cheryl Strayed

A number one New York Times bestseller, and now a film adaptation starring Reese Witherspoon, Wild follows Cheryl’s eleven-hundred mile walk along the West Coast of America. Aged 26 and following the loss of her mother from cancer, a crumbling marriage and a family in disarray, she makes an impulsive decision to hike alone in the hope of finding the answers on how to piece her life back together.

27. Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Someone Who’s Been There by Cheryl Strayed

Following on from her memoir Wild, the former agony aunt offers advice whilst answering a collection of letters from people who were confused, afraid or anxious. Her responses come from an array of personal experience of the good and the bad things in life, often with hilarious and heartbreaking moments mixed in. Creating the perfect guide to those who are struggling or feeling lost, Tiny Beautiful Things offers insight, compassion and above all absolute honesty.

28. When Life is Not Peachy: Real-life lessons in recovery from heartache, grief and tough times by Pip Lincolne

Written during a tough time in her own life, Pip Lincolne offers a gentle guide for processing and navigating the sad times in life – for those who are struggling themselves or offering support to a loved one.

She gives advice on how to eat and exercise when you don’t feel like it, working through relationships with family and friends, and how to keep yourself going when you’re feeling at your lowest. When Life is Not Peachy, it’s natural to question everything, but Pip hopes to provide a helping hand and travel the journey with you.

29. Wife, Widow, Now What?: How I Navigated the Cancer World and How You Can, Too by Rachel Engstrom

Aged only 28, Rachel’s husband Grayson was diagnosed with leukemia. The diagnosis changed both of their lives, as Rachel became ‘a cancer wife, manager, team cheerleader and expert juggler at life’, supporting her husband through his illness until he died just under three years later. She had to restart her life as a widow, with no guidebook on how to do this.

Wife, Widow, Now What? follows Rachel’s journey from her social media posts at the time, whilst also providing advice on how to navigate a cancer diagnosis, the treatment process, insurance, money, support for carers and all the emotions one goes through during this time. This book is the first of its kind to be written half as a memoir, and half a self-help book – along with the music she listened to that helped her through this difficult time.

30. Where are you Lydie? by Emma Poore

It’s Lydie’s birthday today but she’s not here. In this honest and heartfelt story two brothers go on an emotional journey to find a way to connect with their baby sister. Where are you Lydie? is a special picture book, sensitively written and illustrated for children between 3 and 7 years old.

It is a facilitative story and guide for young children and their parents to explore death and bereavement together and to start those difficult conversations or explore the questions that may come up after the death of a baby in a safe and inspiring space.

31. Good Mourning: Honest conversations about grief and loss

Sally and Imogen met after both losing their mother’s suddenly. This led them to launch their podcast Good Mourning, and write this book. Good Mourning is a compassionate survival guide for anyone dealing with grief, shining a light on the many ways grief can impact our lives. Along with expert advice from a clinical psychologist and warm words and insights from hundreds of others who’ve experienced grief, this book offers practical tips on coping with isolation and loneliness, navigating grief at work, managing milestones and so much more.

And there you have it – our community’s guide to the best books on grief. Let us know in the comments below what your favourite is.

When relatives go into therapy or grief counselling together after a bereavement, it can help everybody discover precious pieces of their family’s life and heritage, says psychotherapist Anh Doan.

What are the signs that therapy could work for my family?

It’s all about communication. When we’re hurting after a bereavement, we often act like wounded children and forget being adults. People start arguing over petty things and judging each other, asking: ‘Why didn’t they send flowers or a card?’ or ‘Why did they put a happy picture of themselves on Instagram’?

The family dynamic also changes when someone dies. For example, if mum was the one we’d all seek comfort from and rely on, we might want dad to play that role when she dies. And when he can’t, we get angry.

If the person who died wasn’t very emotionally present, we might also realise we didn’t know them very well. That can leave us with a horrific feeling that we’ve lost something precious – important pieces of our family’s puzzle.

How can grieving relatives benefit from doing therapy together?

When people die we can be left with lots of questions. Family therapists can facilitate important conversations that help relatives learn from each other, open up the photo albums and share precious stories. It’s a bit like digging for old coins and vases – it helps us discover the roots of our lives.

Culture plays a big part, especially for new generations. If your grandad was from Jamaica and now you’re a person of colour in the UK, you might realise you never got to ask him how it was to come here in the 1960s.

If the relationship was terrible or the person who died hurt you, we can ask what you’d like to say to the person who has passed away and explore how to best support you now. This can help close old doors and open new ones.

During this process people start to see life differently and relate better to each other, as well as to the person we’ve lost.

How can I encourage my relatives to join me in therapy?

There’s a stigma around mental health, but if you put it into physical injury terms people are often prepared to help. If your brother or daughter broke their ankle you’d be the first to call an ambulance.

With bereavement, sometimes all we can see is a grumpy or angry person, but they are in pain. And grief can trigger depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and complex trauma. So we need to give each other a hand emotionally too.

It’s also about bonding – a chance to connect with your heritage, your inner self, and your family. In this culture we often hide behind closed doors when we feel vulnerable, but we still crave being together.

Family therapy is about everyone working together towards a common goal. People often agree to come when they see that everyone will gain. We always establish firm boundaries to make sure everyone respects and listens to each other.

What are the main differences between individual and family therapy for grief?

Systemic or family therapy focuses on how people see themselves within a wider dynamic. Even twins are different in terms of how they perceive their roles.

For family grief counselling or therapy to work, everybody needs to commit to the same goal. It is a massive investment – time-wise, emotionally and financially – and a luxury because you usually have to pay privately. It’s much more complex than individual therapy but that doesn’t mean you can’t achieve it.

Sessions last 60-90 minutes with a maximum of four people, usually immediate family. We can be flexible, for example, an individual might prefer to come alone before the rest of the family joins in. You also need a therapist robust enough to hold it together.

Now with Covid, things can feel worse for people who are grieving, isolated and alone. But working on Skype and Zoom is working well, especially for families that are spread out across different countries.

After their son Josh died suddenly, psychotherapist Jane Harris and filmmaker Jimmy Edmonds discovered creative ways to rebuild their lives and support other bereaved families.

“The agony of untimely or parental grief is beyond words,” says Jane Harris. In 2011, her 22-year-old son Josh had a road accident during a trip to Vietnam and never came home. “When Josh died, I discovered that nothing much helped”. Jane and her husband, Jimmy, also found that grief can be a very lonely journey. “I realised bereaved people represent other people’s worst nightmares,” she says. As a psychotherapist Jane knew nothing could take the pain away: “You have to get alongside the grief and tolerate the discomfort.” But years of training to support others is very different from experiencing the death of your own child.

Love that never dies

To escape the silence and isolation at home, Jane and Jimmy – a BAFTA award-winning film editor – decided to take a road trip. They wanted to meet other bereaved families and learn from their hard-won wisdom. Having met in film school, they decided to make a film in their son’s memory. The result was A Love that Never Dies, a moving insight into grief across Vietnam, India and the USA.

The experience would also teach them something new: That articulating their grief actively and creatively was the key to making it more bearable. More films followed, Jimmy wrote a book called Released and in 2015, The Good Grief Project was born, founded on their family’s experiences of losing Josh. Today, their small charity encourages people grieving the untimely death of a loved one to express their pain through photography and film, talks and retreats – even boxing workshops.

Breaking the silence, creating new bonds

Approximately 6,000 young people aged under 24 die in the UK every year, leaving up to 50,000 bereaved relatives who often don’t know where to turn. “We live in a culture of silence when it comes to talking comfortably about death” says Jane. “But silence is deadly. Grief will find its way out either psychologically or physically. If we don’t acknowledge it, it can be catastrophic.” She says countless people have described watching their films as a turning point, because they realised there was hope out there. As well as supporting people to open up about bereavement, The Good Grief Project provides ways to create continuing bonds with the person they’ve lost. For example, using photos of their child to create a montage.

Taking the mask off

By the end of a weekend retreat, Jane often notices a difference in participants’ body language. “They’re amazed at what they can create and start to show other people instead of wanting to keep it private,” she says. “Through photography or just being with other people they’ve been able to take the mask off and be themselves”. At a time when we’re wearing masks physically as well as metaphorically, she feels it is more important than ever to give our grief a voice. A new film, Beyond the Mask, tackling loss and isolation during Covid-19, will screen online early in the new year.

Life after death

The Good Grief Project has always been a family venture. During their retreats, Josh’s sister Rosa does the cooking, while his older brother Joe, a personal trainer, runs boxing and fitness workshops, having learned to handle his own depression by being physically active. They welcome siblings as well as parents. “Bereaved siblings appreciate having a voice,” explains Jane. “They lose their parents in a way because they are so grief-stricken and watching out for them is a double whammy.” Almost 10 years after losing Josh, she feels the experience has changed her for the better. “There is definitely life after the death of a child. I would do anything to bring my son back, but he has taught me so much since he died.”

“It’s a huge relief when you realise that grief can become part of your life,” she explains. “You learn to carry that person with you and fold them into your heart. We’ve created new rituals – at Christmas we raise a glass to Josh – we talk about him, and there are pictures of Uncle Josh in my grandchildren’s bedroom. “As time has passed my love for Josh doesn’t lessen. You love your child forever.”

At just ten years old, Anna’s world was turned upside down by the sudden death of her older brother, Benny. She shares how she coped after experiencing a close bereavement at such a young age and how losing her brother has impacted her life.

When Anna was ten years old, her family were out one day, and Benny stayed at home alone for a few hours. During this time, Benny had a tragic accident and was found dead by a family friend. He was just twelve years old.

Anna has many happy early childhood memories of playing with Benny, who was two years older than her, and her other three brothers. She remembers, “Benny and I spent a lot of time playing together. We’d imagine we were pirates in our den in the living room or play football together in our local park. We argued too, of course, usually over silly things like who had been given the biggest portion of pudding.”

Like most ten-year-olds, Anna had never thought about grief before, but found her view of the world changed at that moment. “It was a complete shock. I’ll never forget the sickening, numb confusion that I felt when I first found out. It honestly felt like my whole reality had been pulled from underneath me. It was a tragic, seemingly random event that changed everything.” she remembers.

Support in the early days

In the early days after Benny’s death, relatives and friends rallied around: visiting, helping with the shopping and cooking, or simply sitting with Anna and her family. Anna feels lucky that she felt so surrounded by love at that time but recognises that grief can be very isolating for many people. She also credits her friends with providing some much-needed normality and fun. “There are a few friends, in particular, whom I spent a lot of time with, not necessarily talking about the loss, but doing ‘normal’ fun things that offered some light relief and reminded me that things could be good again”.

Learning to be kind to herself

In the year after Benny died, Anna and her family visited a family therapist who helped them open up and communicate with each other. However, it was when Anna saw a counsellor almost ten years later that she feels she started to process Benny’s death. She says, “This support was invaluable and really helped me understand how the death has impacted my life, and how to move forward in a healthier, happier way. Things have been better since I learnt to let myself feel, rather than blocking out difficult thoughts and feelings. I’ve become much kinder to myself.”

Anna has also found that writing can be therapeutic, whether scribbling incoherent sentences in a journal, writing poems and stories, or writing letters to the dead. “It often makes me cry, but in a good way. It really helps un-jumble my thoughts and let go of painful emotions. It can make me feel more connected to my brother, too, like he is still alive in some way.” she explains.

The impact of the parent-child relationship

Sibling loss can often affect the relationship between the surviving child and their parents. At such a young age, Anna had only ever seen her parents as a source of safety and love. She found it painful to realise how much they were hurting and scary that this was a situation that even they couldn’t fix. Her parents were able to continue showing love to Anna and her other brothers, despite their grief, but she remembers feeling that there was no space for her to be a child any more, with a normal child’s wants and needs. From her 10-year old’s perspective, Anna didn’t want to be a burden when her parents were already dealing with so much, and she felt a responsibility to grow up quickly to make things easier for them.

Anna remembers feeling like she had to be a ‘good’ child, which has had repercussions throughout her life. “I pushed my struggles to one side, which in the long run has been exhausting and lonely.” she reflects. “It’s no ones’ fault; we were just doing what we could to get through. Despite these challenges, I’m grateful that our relationship has always been grounded in love and that we found a new sort of closeness as we fumbled our way through our loss – a closeness that becomes more and more precious as time goes on.”

Coping with grief over time

It’s normal for grief to change as time passes, and we find new ways of coping with feelings and remembering our lost loved ones. Anna feels a sense of peace and acceptance about the loss of her brother but admits that she still does have bad days, where she goes right back to that raw grief, missing her brother and mourning the loss of a care-free life. She has found ways to manage these waves of grief and says, “I always come out the other side. I wish my brother hadn’t have died, but it taught me a lot about who I am, and has shown me how precious life is.”

Anna credits her friends, family and professionals for supporting her through her grief journey. She recognises that having an outlet to express her grief, and accepting love and support from the people around her have been crucial to her healing.

“It’s been tough, and it’s not a journey I would have ever chosen, but I’m making the most of it and re-discovering just how beautiful life can be, regardless of the challenges it throws at us.”

Anna is a writer who has set up an organisation to support bereaved university students, the Student Grief Network, where she provides online resources and staff training. To see more of her work, you can find her blog here.

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So, how long does grief last?

What are the seven stages of grief after death?

How long does each stage of grief last?

What does grief do to your body?

How long does grief fatigue last?

How long does grief brain fog last?

How long does pet grief last?

Does grief last forever?

A note on complicated grief

What makes a good bereavement card?

Our tips:

What should you write in a bereavement card?

Examples

A short, simple message to acknowledge their grief.

Offering practical or emotional support can help a recently bereaved person feel less alone.

Religious messages

Personalised message

Where to find bereavement cards

On the high street

Supermarkets and convenience stores

Online greetings cards suppliers

Can an adult be an orphan?

What is orphan syndrome?

What does orphan syndrome in adults look like?

What does becoming an orphan in your 20s, 40s, 50s and beyond feel like?

How to cope with the loss of both parents?

Quotes about grief and memories:

Quotes about loss:

Quotes about grief:

1. A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

2. A Half Baked Idea by Olivia Potts

3. All At Sea by Decca Aitkenhead

4. Being Mortal by Atul Gawande

5. Bird Therapy by Joe Harkness

6. Cheer the F**k up by Jack Rooke

7. Everything Is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love and Loss by Stephanie Wittels Wachs

8. Finding Joy by Gary Andrews

9. Grief Is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter

10. Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman

11. How to Grieve Like a Champ by Lianna Champ

12. Humankind: A Hopeful History by Rutger Bregman

13. It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand by Megan Devine

14. Languages of Loss: A Psychotherapist’s Journey Through Grief by Sasha Bates

15. Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

16. Modern Loss: Candid Conversation about Grief. Beginners Welcome by Rebecca Soffer and Gabrielle Birkner

17. Not That Kind of Love by Clare and Greg Wise

18. On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler

19. Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant

20. Signs: The Secret Language of the Universe by Laura Lynne Jackson

21. Surviving the Death of a Sibling: Living Through Grief When an Adult Brother or Sister Dies by T.J. Wray

22. The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse by Charlie Mackesy

23. The Heavy Bag by Sarah Surgey

24. The Midnight Library by Matt Haig

25. The Swallow, the Owl and the Sandpiper: Words of Courage, Wisdom compiled by Claire Maitland

26. Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail by Cheryl Strayed

27. Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Someone Who’s Been There by Cheryl Strayed

28. When Life is Not Peachy: Real-life lessons in recovery from heartache, grief and tough times by Pip Lincolne

29. Wife, Widow, Now What?: How I Navigated the Cancer World and How You Can, Too by Rachel Engstrom

30. Where are you Lydie? by Emma Poore

31. Good Mourning: Honest conversations about grief and loss

What are the signs that therapy could work for my family?

How can grieving relatives benefit from doing therapy together?

How can I encourage my relatives to join me in therapy?

What are the main differences between individual and family therapy for grief?

Love that never dies

Breaking the silence, creating new bonds

Taking the mask off

Life after death

Support in the early days

Learning to be kind to herself

The impact of the parent-child relationship

Coping with grief over time